


Hurdles we need to overcome

by junosbox



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry can't hold his tongue, Cisco makes mistakes too, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Harry has major mood swings, His boyfriend always wears suits, Hurt/Comfort, Joe tries to fix it, Life and Death situations, Loss of many things like wife and blood and trust, Stalking, Trust Issues, bisexual!harry, coming to terms with sexuality, coping with emotions, good parenting, harry freaks out, random metas showing up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:18:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17309525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junosbox/pseuds/junosbox
Summary: New chapter roughly every three weeks.Harry goes to drink a few beers in a bar.In his drunken state, he leaves his number on a napkin, not thinking much about it.He wakes up to someone calling him.They meet and quickly, they fall in love.Cisco is losing his trust in the scientist more and more, he is eager to find out why Harry is sneaking out.Soon, the damage is done and Joe tries his best to minimize it.Meanwhile, Harry is trying to come to terms with the death of his wife and memories of his unaccepting parents.





	1. Secret Poems

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pooth](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Pooth), [gecko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gecko/gifts), [gabriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriel/gifts), [Vio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vio/gifts), [diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diva/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry sneaks out again - to the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction is written and posted on my account on the Flash Amino, for the Writers Club. So the chapters have themes.
> 
> Theme: Date Night

He could sense that the other team members found it suspicious of him to excuse himself in the early evening, just to leave S.T.A.R. Labs in different clothes.  
He had already done that three times now, in the past two weeks.  
But they could not know why.  
Once he had overheard Caitlin tell Cisco she saw him talking to an attractive woman and saw them both laughing.  
The truth behind that story was that it had been just a short exchange of words after that mentioned woman had mistaken him for one of her friends and then they had laughed about the weird situation.  
Maybe he would meet her again, he thought, maybe he could actually make "normal" friends on Earth One.  
He shook his head. It was not likely to happen.  
His eyes were glued to the computer, looking at the many numbers and letters of a program exposed to him.  
There was a mistake somewhere, he knew it, but he was not able to find it.  
It didn't even need to be a wrong command, it was probably a spelling error that happened while he was typing out the whole paragraph the evening of the day before.  
"Still here?", Cisco asked behind him, in a tone that was implying something unknown.  
"Yes.", he replied with a blank statement, ignoring the goosebumps in his neck that he had because the younger scientist had startled him.  
"So... you're not going anywhere tonight?", the other continued, "But I thought I saw a reminder on your computer this morning..."  
He stayed still while the man with the long black hair slurped his coffee in his back much too loudly, then he saw the scaringly late time the clock in the corner of his computer screen showed him.  
"Out of the way, Ramon!", he bellowed and jumped up from his chair, hurrying out of the workshop.  
He was too late. Much too late.  
Oh, he would apologize so often, he already knew it.  
The door to his room was left open while he slipped out of the black t-shirt and exchanged it for a dark grey button-up.  
He took his already packed bag and walked to the exit door of the laboratories, buttonning his shirt on the way.  
"I could drive you.", Cisco shouted, jogging to keep up with him.  
His "No." escaped his mouth too soon, and too harsh, indicating for his colleague that he was really up to something personal.  
And he knew that Vibe would be even more curious now.  
He needed to be more careful from now on, Cisco would watch his every move.  
Damnit, he thought on his way through Central City, he should've let Cisco drive him, he was already running thirteen minutes late.  
What a waste of time.  
When he finally arrived at his destination he stood still and just breathed for a few seconds before he entered the library.  
As you could imagine, he didn't go to the library for reading - well, at least not solely for that.  
The library of Central City didn't look like much from the outside.  
Even though it was a building from after the nineties, the mobiliar and feeling inside was just old.  
Old, comfy and inviting to spend time here.  
He had discovered the library himself after having had a coffee at CC Jitters and still feeling stressed. When he had entered the building the first time, he had felt such a massive wave of peace rush over him.  
Upon entering the library, he felt it again, though dampened by his late arrival.  
He stepped up to the wooden counter where you could borrow the books.  
A blonde young woman greeted him with a smile and he returned the favor, she knew him already.  
Her nametag said Patricia and she asked him how she could help him, even though she knew already.  
"Can you tell me where I can find 'A summer's dream' by Eduard Black?", he asked already quite automatically.  
She answered: "I'm sorry, someone else borrowed this book already. Maybe come in tomorrow again?"  
"I just ran late this time, Miss.", he insisted and she finally nodded and followed his request.  
She made some noise searching in a drawer before sliding the old metallic key over the counter.  
He took it with a grateful nod towards her.  
The key was cold and heavy in his hand.  
Darkened was the metal, and rough from the years that had passed.  
He remembered his first visit again.  
After some time he had spent reading, more people had entered the library, loudly chatting.  
Then he had asked Patricia if there was a quieter place in the library and she had informed him about the secret qualities that the building was hiding.  
His steps echoed loudly in the silence of the hollow building when he went upstairs, hoping he remembered the location of the history section right.  
And he did.  
The slim wooden door with the 'staff only' sign was already familiar to him, it looked like it had been squeezed into the gap between two prominant looking book shelves.  
He quickly scanned his surroundings with a paranoid look engraved in his face, then he opened the door with a loud clicking noise that the lock made.  
Behind the door was a room.  
It was perfectly cube-shaped with a wooden floor of rich, dark color and book shelves instead of walls.  
Or did the walls lay hidden behind them?  
He could not tell.  
In one corner was a nook to relax in, with pillows and cozy blankets.  
The light was dimmed, giving the room a comfy and relaxing aura and the smell of all the books doubled the effect.  
He was not alone when he entered.  
After he closed and locked the door behind him, his lips formed a sincere smile as he was greeted with only his name.  
"Harry", was said in a kind voice, erupting from the throat of the person that would need to forgive the delay.  
"Sorry, I'm late. Lost myself in some programming.", he explained and sat down in the nook, leaning against the wall.  
"You and your job are married. How will I ever be able to compete?", sighed the other man jokingly and snuggled up to him.  
Harry chuckled and thought about how he had met Alan in that dusty, dirty bar one block from S.T.A.R. Labs, - well, not really but he would come back to that later - how he had entered the room with a frown of his face because he was about to get drunk to relieve his daily stress for the first time in ten years.  
He remembered the hard floor covered in dirt and water from the pouring rain outside, the bar with too many cheap LED light stripes, the four lamps in each corner of the room, that sent out a dim light, and two young men kissing the lips of their female dates hungrily.  
And he had bought a few bottles of beer and had sat himself in a corner of the bar, drinking it all.  
Throughout the evening he had watched college students celebrate some exam that they hadn't even taken yet and he had ended up using his ballpoint pen to draw himself on a paper napkin, writing his number underneath.  
He had gone back to the laboratories and fell asleep in the cortex, where Joe had found him the next morning, who had then proceeded to give him a lecture on drinking alcohol.  
"What are you thinking about?", Alan asked, noticing that he had spaced out completely.  
"Just the night I got drunk and made that awful, awful drawing and then on the next day you just called...", he smiled.  
"That drawing was wonderful. If it hadn't been, I wouldn't have called."  
A laugh escaped his mouth.  
A real, truly happy laugh triggered by the warm feeling in his chest.  
His stomach felt funny in a good way.  
"Did you bring the book?", questioned the man on his chest.  
Harry nodded and plucked a little black bound book out of his bag.  
He took a deep breath, turned a few pages and started reading.

_"In a lonely summer's night,_  
_The shadows grow close,_  
_Winding and stretching,_  
_Growling and scratching._  
_Just a small moment,_  
_Just the second of a blink,_  
_The darkness is disturbed,_  
_By a blinding white light._  
_The shadows withdraw,_  
_Unholy screeches of pain,_  
_Their feet and claws left marks,_  
_Deeply carved into the ground._  
_Never hoped they would be gone,_  
_Never hoped that they would lose,_  
_They had followed their prey,_  
_But they had been scared away._  
_The light is too bright,_  
_All of time stands still,_  
_In this second of hope,_  
_In this second of company._  
_The light kept blinking like an eye,_  
_It kept flickering like a candle's flame,_  
_And as it was finally embraced,_  
It carried me away." 

He closed his mouth.  
His heartbeat was slow and steady and they breathed together at the same pace.  
Alan sat a bit more upright, pushing himself away from Harry's chest with one arm, looking at the scientist.  
Their breathes warmed each other's face, they were so close.  
Harry's mouth ran dry just by the nervous feeling giving him goosebumps.  
He lost himself in Alan's deep green eyes, thinking about the dark blond hair sitting neatly on the architect's head.  
Their lips met for a few silent moments, sharing a soft, passionate kiss.  
The moment would've lasted forever if Harry had the ability to stop time.  
"How come you did become a scientist and not a poet?", asked Alan in a whisper.  
"Science is a way of understanding nature, while poetry is just a way to interpret it."  
"That makes so much sense.", mumbled his date and then they just laid there, holding each other close while their last few minutes ran out.  
The goodbye was unbelievably hard, given the fact that they would see each other again.  
Harry took his bag and they both left the library, returning the two keys to the lady at the front desk, who wished them good night.  
On the sidewalk they just settled for a simple pat on the shoulder before going in opposite directions.  
They both didn't notice Cisco, who had been standing in a nearby alleyway, watching them with curiosity. 


	2. Fearful Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry thinks about the many ways things could go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Pride Month

After losing his wife, he had been devastated.  
It had been like all the strings in his heart had ripped, like his lung had collapsed, like his bones had been broken a dozen times.  
Breathless, depressed and furious.  
And the question why the love of his life was the one gone, why not him, why not any other random person on the whole godforsaken planet.  
His hand turned the tool slowly, cutting the red isolation of the thin cable.  
He had met many women, dated a dozen, been in a relationship with a handful and he had become sure he would never have the feelings again that he had had with his wife.  
He clenched his hand, which led to the tool just cutting off the cable in his palm.  
Half of the cable fell and disappeared under his workbench.  
An angry sound escaped his mouth and one flick of his arm sent the tool flying across the room, just barely missing Cisco's head.  
"Excuse you-", the younger scientist started to shout and his brain turned off until Ramon went back to work angrily but just when he had told him to shut up already.  
Harry was sure that Cisco considered him a friend, even though he was assy to him.  
And he was also sure that Ramon wouldn't care about him dating a man, but he was still afraid.  
It wasn't that normal someone-attacks-me-afraid, but it felt more like someone was squeezing his lungs and guts to the point where he needed to bend over in agony.  
His brain told him right away that it was him being anxious.  
How couldn't he be anxious?  
What if someone on the team was homophobic?  
It didn't matter if they voiced their hatred or not, Harry knew he would be able to tell just by the look in their eyes.  
"Harry!", Cisco shouted, interrupting his thoughts.  
He blinked and looked up, looking confused and disorientated for a moment.  
"What did you think about?", Ramon asked curiously.  
He had been acting quite suspiciously since Harry's last date with Alan.  
"Just tried to solve one of my equations. So it would be nice of you to not interrupt me while I'm working.", he snapped as an answer, making clear for Cisco to leave him alone.  
"I just wanted to ask if you want some food from Big Belly Burger...", the younger scientist mumbled on his way out, which was followed by Earth-Two Wells jumping up from his chair, knocking over a glass of instruments, that fell, scattering on the concrete floor.  
The noise surprised both men, sending shivers down their spines.  
"One triple-triple and a big coke.", he said, seemingly untouched by the events.  
Cisco just nodded and walked out as fast as his legs would carry him.  
Harry sat down slowly and quietly.  
He was just frozen, staring at something invisible.  
There was a slight fog on his pupils, showing that he was lost in thought.  
In his mind, scenarios started playing on repeat.

_Harry walked into Star Labs._  
_He had bought coffee and hoped Cisco had finished repairing the phone, that a meta had destroyed on the previous day with radiation. ___  
_When he entered the workshop, Ramon sat there, with the phone in his hands._  
_The younger scientist looked up at him._  
_"Who's Alan and why did you put the formula (y^2 + x^2 - 1)^3 - (x^2)*(y^3) = 0 instead of a last name?"_

____

_Harry was sitting on the couch in Alan's apartment._  
_He had to admit, this flat was so warm and comfy, he didn't want to leave again._  
_Rays of sunshine fell in through the window as Alan laid his head on Harry's chest._  
_This moment was so peaceful and it filled Harry's chest with a warm feeling he didn't have with anyone but this man._  
_He reached for his jacket and searched for his phone with one hand, when a little button fell out._  
_Upon grabbing and taking a look at it, his heart skipped a shocked beat. It was a GPS tracker._  
_Did the team decide they couldn't trust him anymore?_  
_Did they think he was working against them_

_It had been an amazing date in the library again._  
_He felt amazing. They had read each other books and Harry couldn't think of anything  more romantic._  
_Alan took his hand and his heart jumped nervously in his chest._  
_The architect gave him a short peck on his lips and walked out of the building._  
_After a few seconds, Harry left too, just to bump into a shorter guy, just standing frozen in the doorway._  
_He realized when he had already walked a few more steps._  
_Harry turned around, looking in the one face he wanted to see the least. Cisco Ramon. Cisco Ramon had seen everything._

His anxious thoughts were disrupted by the little thud of a paper bag being put on his desk.  
"Thanks.", he said dryly to Ramon and started to wolf down the food.  
He had already forgotten about the cable that needed to be put on the new device, the only thing on his mind was food and paranoia.  
Harry decided that he didn't care if the others knew... he could just ignore them, it would hurt because he considered them friends, but he could deal with that.  
He cared about Cisco's opinion.  
He felt like he needed his approval, otherwise they wouldn't be able to work as a team anymore.  
The scientist was trying to understand why Ramon mattered more than the rest of the team.  
Finally he realized.  
Cisco had become his best friend.  
Even though he didn't believe the younger man considered him a best friend, Ramon certainly had that position in his life.  
He trusted the guy with the nerdy shirts, but he was still afraid that Cisco might not be as accepting as he thought. 


	3. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meta called Switcher messes with Harry and Cisco's brains.  
> Harry has to deal with the fear of Cisco finding out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Villain

"He escaped- again.", Cisco heard Barry say over the comm and sighed.  
This new meta they'd been dealing with didn't even have that useful powers, but was somehow really good at hiding from Team Flash.  
The unknown guy literally switched things of people like personality traits, strengths, even two metas' powers.  
Cisco had easily named him.  
"I'll ask Harry if he finished the tracker. You come back here- bring some coffee.", the breacher answered through the mic.  
He walked into the workshop, but Harrison Wells wasn't there, which was really not typical for the scientist from Earth Two.  
But, if he looked back, Harry had been acting quite strangely for the last two months.  
He had been dressing up and leaving the laboratories in the early evening, sometimes hadn't come back until morning (Cisco knew that because he sometimes stayed in to finish a project) and had often been unfocused, like he was dealing with some hard problem.  
The cold wind of the fan hit his face and he leaned into this fresh breeze.  
Team Flash was fighting the hot weather with much water and multiple fans, since the AC had stopped working one week ago.  
Neither him nor Harry had been able to figure out where the problem was, so they all just continued sweating buckets full of water.  
Actually, Harry had looked at the whole thing maybe twice and maybe seven minutes in total.  
Because they had either been interrupted by a meta, needed to do work or Harry had just randomly disappeared.  
Sometimes it had been so sudden that Cisco had called him in order to check if he was alright, just to be reminded that Harry had left his phone on the desk again on purpose.  
The phone wasn't there today, but Cisco didn't care to call.  
Barry speeded into S.T.A.R. Labs, sending papers flying everywhere.  
"Paper weights. We need paper weights. It's been years and we still haven't got paper weights!", Cisco exclaimed, even though Barry cleaned up his mess again every time.  
Honestly, the scientist was just annoyed by the flapping noise the paper made.  
"Coffee.", said the speedster, handing him the to-go cup from Jitters.  
Ramon took a sip without slurping, he only did that in Harry's presence, which was a weird habit he got after the guy with seven pHds had reacted really angrily once.

Harry was standing outside, leaning on one wall of the building.  
He was out of sight but still wore cap and sunglasses, partly because of the weather.  
Drops of sweat ran down his neck, the t-shirt he was wearing was already wet on the back and his lips were dry.  
He could feel the sweat in between his toes.  
Why did he decide to make the call now and not in the evening when everything cooled down?  
Harry wasn't able to do the call inside, too many ears eager to listen.  
"Hello?", a soft voice erupted from the speaker, slightly distorted by the bad connection on the other end.  
"It's me, Harry.", he answered, letting it sound like the clear-cut statement that it was.  
Once again the other man spoke, this time with a worried undertone: "Why are you calling?"  
The hand that was holding the phone started to tremble and the scientist walked a few steps while coming up with the right sentence.  
After one or two longlasting moments he answered.  
"Alan, I'm really sorry but I have to work late tomorrow so I won't be able to come. There's gonna be much work that I have to finish on time..."  
He was interrupted by the reply of the other: "Don't worry! Believe it or not, I was going to call you for the exact same reason!"  
They both laughed and the man continued: "How about Saturday, Harry? Sound good?"  
"Yeah, yeah that sounds wonderful.", Wells said hastily and after a few more sentences they ended the call.  
His body ached for a good cold shower, but he had things to do.  
The first one was getting rid of Cisco, who had probably noticed his absence already.  
The breacher asked too many questions, but Harry knew, if Ramon didn't act curious he probably had a plan, or had gotten his answers already.  
"Where wer-", Cisco started when he returned but then went silent and raised one finger in the air, as a sign that he was thinking of something better.  
"You know what- no. I'm just not gonna ask. Can you just tell me if you finished the tracker?"  
Harry could sense in the young man's voice that he was angry. Cisco was angry because he didn't tell him where he went.  
But he could not tell him. He just couldn't.  
A deep breath cleared his thoughts and gave him the air to say an answer: "I finished it a few hours ago. Here."  
He gave the boy with the nerdy t-shirts the device and a flash drive with the needed program.  
"Thanks, Harry."  
And Cisco left the workshop, leaving Harrison Wells the Sequel alone with his thoughts.

After a while an alarm went off.  
The two scientists put down their tools simultaniously and left their workbenches to run to the cortex.  
Cisco went straight to the control screens, turning on the comm, since Barry had already left to chase the meta-human.  
You could still feel the breeze that the speedster's departure had caused.  
"Okay Barry, I'm sending his location to your suit, you should be able to follow him.", Ramon nearly yelled into the microphone while tapping on the screens.  
Harry sat down in front of the other screen, looking at the locations of both the Flash and the Switcher.  
"This doesn't make sense, where is he running towards?!", Barry coughed through the speakers.  
The Earth Two Wells was a bit surprised when the moving point on the screen, that was the meta, suddenly disappeared.  
"He's gone, Allen. Try to find him, when he just vanished like the first sixteen times, then come back in two minutes.", Harry said.  
He then turned to Ramon: "How did he outsmart the tracker? I made it so he couldn't just- disappear!"  
"I don't know. Honestly, I'm just waiting for Switcher to waltz in here because our security system is just as bad at its job as Zeus is at keeping it in his pants."  
Like it was a prophecy, their nemesis indeed showed up at this moment, just strolling into the cortex.  
They had never had the chance to see his face.  
He was a white, blonde haired boy, maybe around eighteen, with a grey hoodie and ripped jeans.  
A smile appeared on his face, a smile that told them a message that didn't need to be said out loud.  
The Flash didn't know he was here.  
The Flash was searching for him on the other side of the city.  
The Flash was not here to save them.  
Cisco wanted to knock out the meta with a blast but Switcher's attack was faster.  
Both scientists were thrown to the floor, sliding about a meter over the ground from the power that hit them like a wave.  
It pressed the air out of their lungs, making them gasp for air and giving them high adrenaline spikes.  
Barry came running and knocked the boy out with a punch, but Harry already felt as if something was different.  
He sat up and locked eyes with Cisco.  
The older scientist looked at Ramon's nerdy shirt and somehow loved it.  
"Did- did he switch our fashion sense?!", the younger exclaimed, "I would suddenly love to wear black and not those totally geeky tees."  
Harry just shook his head: "We need to find a solution for that. Call Dr. Snow, she needs to wake this guy up."  
While Barry put the Switcher in the med bay, Harry and Cisco went back to work like nothing happened.  
Suddenly, Harrison Wells felt his heart clenching, his stomach cramping at a thought.  
The thought was in his mind, yet it felt so strange and unfamiliar at the same time.  
He was afraid that he was just the second option, the player on the bench.  
Some new technology or problem? Harrison Wells could do it.  
Meta causing chaos? Oh there's the Flash and his occasional sidekick.  
What if the team didn't need him. They didn't need him, or did they?  
When was the last time he was out there, fighting crime?  
The dry erase pen squeeked, then stopped on the clear board.  
Harry breathed hard. He didn't dare to look over his shoulder, he felt Ramon's gaze directed at him.  
A little feeling told him that the meta had not only switched their likes in clothes, but also their deepest fears.  
And a feeling told him that Cisco knew everything.  
His mind did a jump.  
What if Harry was working against them?  
Who was the guy he had met at the library and why had he never talked about him?  
He had thought Harry was his best friend, but in the end he would probably end up betrayed by another man called Harrison.  
Harry's head sank and he put the marker away.  
So Cisco knew he had met up with Alan.  
He was pretty sure that his probability of having a stroke had increased by twenty percent in the last seven minutes, based on how fast his heart beat.  
Not one cell of his body felt save anymore, the younger man knew.  
The boy saw and the boy could do anything with that knowledge.  
He dashed out the workshop, leaving Cisco alone with his fears of homophobia and discrimination.  
Harry didn't know what to do.  
The grumpy cat with too much brain, how Cisco called him sometimes, had no solution to this problem in his mind.  
It was all just fear and sheer panic, his professional calmness was just gone.  
For once in his life he felt lost and helpless.


	4. A Kind Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry surprisingly says Yes when asked to come to the Wests' barbeque.  
> He's not quite good at asking for advice and conceiling the reason behind the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Summer Celebration

A few days had gone by since the Switcher had done his thing.  
They had caught him and got him to reverse it, but the memory remained.  
Neither he nor Cisco talked about it.  
No, they didn't talk at all anymore, they blatantly ignored each other if it hadn't anything to do with work stuff.  
The fact, that neither of them had given any information, made things worse.  
What did the other know now?  
Which secrets had been revealed?  
Harry was in a constant state of nervousness, anxiety and frustration, he couldn't really concentrate on his tasks anymore.  
Ramon's suspicious gazes that he felt in his back didn't make things easier.  
During lunchtime on this boringly uneventful day, Barry casually walked into the workshop, that was, at the moment, only inhabited by Harrison Wells.  
The scientist noticed how the speedster tried to act as if he was looking for something, just so he could ask a question without it seeming like something important.  
"So... we all had a couple of rough days lately so Joe and Cecile thought about a barbecue today at seven, you know, just hanging out and relaxing a bit..."  
A bunch of thoughts went into Harry's decision.  
Of course Barry just asked him to keep up the politeness, even though Wells always refused to take the offer, but he really thought about going this time.  
Work didn't distract him from the obvious issue and he couldn't focus anyway, so he might as well take the chance to take his mind off things in different ways.  
"I'll come. Am I supposed to bring any food or drinks?", he answered quietly while fixing a tear in a metallic plate.  
In the background he could hear Barry dropping the thing he was holding, which landed on the floor with an uncomfortably loud noise, then the Flash choked on his own spit.  
"What?", Barry gagged surprised and picked up the weird looking instrument.  
"Should I bring something to drink?", Harry repeated his question, turning around to Bartholomew Allen.  
"Maybe bring some beer.", the speedster stuttered and left the room.

While working on fixing a gun that had been destroyed during a fight, hours passed by fast and before he noticed it was already six in the afternoon.  
He put down the weapon and the screwdriver and had a second look at the clock, but it still told him the same time.  
His knees ached slightly when he stood up and he guessed that his age was finally really catching up with him.  
After pressing a few letters on the keyboard, some emergency programs, that he had developed, popped up and the computer went into a standby mode while still operating the security functions.  
When he entered the room he was staying in, Harry took a look at his bed, where a few small piles of clothes sat.  
It had been an office and he had been sleeping on a cot whenever he had stayed on this earth, until Iris had found out and she, together with Caitlin, had just bought a bed for him.  
He remembered how he had been annoyed, telling them the cot had been perfectly alright, but at the same time he had felt grateful for his friends for caring about him.  
Wells picked a few of the clothes up and inspected them.  
What was he supposed to wear?  
Wearing something nice because of the celebration would be polite but he was afraid he might show up overdressed since it was 'just' a barbecue and the others wouldn't take it that seriously.  
Despite the fact that he would be overdressed, he finally decided to wear a button-up shirt simply for the nice gesture.  
He threw the dirty clothes back on the bed where they belonged and looked through the shelf that he was misusing as a wardrobe.  
A few shirts were laying neatly folded in one of the drawers and Harry ended up picking the black one, since he didn't feel like the dark grey one today.  
The scientist got dressed, put on his sunglasses and headed out.  
Someone else had already taken the only S.T.A.R. Labs car that had gas, so he waved down a taxi.  
"Going to a funeral?", the driver asked after Harry had given him the address.  
He calmly replied: "No. Just a barbecue with my friends."  
The man with the enormous moustache just laughed like it had been some kind of joke Harry had made, or maybe he just wanted to release the tension that his passenger's aura sent out.  
They both remained silent the rest of the drive and Harrison just looked at the egg-shaped bald head of his driver, that reflected the sunlight falling in through the front window.  
For a few minutes they made a stop at a supermarket, where the scientist bought some beer.  
Taxi prices were absurdly high these days, Harry thought after he paid and got off, or maybe they were just on this earth.  
His watch told him that he was five minutes early and he nodded to himself.  
Being early was good and now he still had time to tuck his shirt into his pants how it was supposed to be.  
Then he walked up to the welcoming looking house and rang the doorbell.  
It was a quite aggressive ringing noise compared to how calm the whole surroundings looked.  
Joe opened up.  
The detective smiled the warm smile he always had on his face and let Wells inside before he closed the door behind them.  
"The rest should be coming in the next few minutes. I'll start making the steaks.", Joe said and hurried through the house, leaving Harry on his own.  
He followed Detective West into the garden, where he put the beer next to some lemonade bottles.

One by one everyone arrived at the Wests' house.  
Cecile did her best to get him to chat with everyone even though his plan had been to silently listen into the conversations and getting some good food in his stomach for once.  
Caitlin had brought some vegan dishes, Cisco had brought some delicious spicy food that nobody else really knew but everyone felt like breathing fire afterwards, and Barry had more beer.  
It seemed like the speedster hadn't thought that Harrison would actually come, neither had the others apperantly.  
Harry knew that when he wasn't involved in one of the conversations, then they forged theories to why he had chose to show up today.  
"Heyy Harry.", Cisco said trying to be casual when he suddenly appeared at his side.  
He took a big gulp of his beer before he answered.  
"Cisco.", he merely noted the younger scientist's appearance.  
"So we were wondering why all-time Dracula finally decided to go out in the sun and socialise.", Ramon teased with his usual smirky bad guy grin on his face that he always had when he was annoying Harry.  
"Because there's food.", was the weak answer Wells gave him.  
"But on all other occassions there was food too so why?"  
"Hey Cisco, you mind if I talk to Harrison real quick?", Joe chimed in and gently pushed Harry in the direction of the grill before the nerd with the nerd shirt could answer.  
When they were in that more isolated corner of the garden, West continued making steaks.  
"Heard that Caitlin bet ten dollars that you're here to pull a prank on Cisco. Are you?", Joe picked up the question of Cisco in a more polite and calm manner.  
Harry answered truthfully: "No, I don't really pull pranks on people. I couldn't concentrate on work, that's all so I needed something to do."  
Detective West looked at him with raised eyebrows.  
"A Harrison Wells who does something different than his favorite hobby called work? I think I might be going crazy.", he laughed.  
The scientist laughed shortly.   
Then it went silent again for a moment.  
After a bit of thought Harry spoke sounding like he was on guard: "What would you do if one of your children told you they were gay?"  
"I would tell them that they're my kid and that I love them no matter what. As long as they're happy I'm happy."  
Harry's heart seemed to skip a beat.  
His stomach felt hot, but not as if he was ill, but a good warm feeling of new hope and the relief that he had been searching for.  
Maybe the others would truly accept him.  
"Why do you ask? Is Jesse?"  
"No, no, I was just curious", Harry laughed it off, trying not to make the detective think about it too much.  
Even though he caught the slight thinking frown on Joe's face, he tried to stay calm and look like his normal self and not like a shy anxious teenager.

Cecile saved him, waving him over to the table where all the women were sitting and chatting.  
"So, Harry, I think you might need some advice regarding fashion.", she said slowly like she was talking to a child and pushed him into one of the chairs.   
Caitlin and Iris laughed.  
It was interesting for him to follow their conversation and making some comments occassionally.  
"Cisco has the weirdest music taste I've ever seen a person have.", Caitlin grinned, waiting for the others to join in and ask her to explain.  
"Tell us!", Iris commanded without missing a beat.  
"He once had a quite normal taste in music but at the moment he's been listening to a mix of slow dance melodies from the 20's, a variety of tv show intro themes and early 2000's hip hop. And I need to listen to it all day long when we're the only ones in the lab 'cause then he'll hook it up to the building's speaker system.", she described her experience.  
The table giggled, including Harry, who let out a small laugh.  
"Yeah, Jesse also has an interesting playlist. Everything from country music to german rap.", he smiled, thinking about his daughter.  
Harry heard the people surrounding him being quiet just for a moment too long, and he himself was surprised that he let his guards down today.  
Somehow he felt relaxed and he guessed that their plan was to actually get him to feel comfortable, since it was the first time he had shown up.  
The women engaged with him in a manner that he didn't actually need to engage if he didn't want to.  
He remembered how his wife had always been kind, understanding and patient with him and with time he had finally opened up to her.  
When she died his isolating behavior had just gotten worse than ever before and that's why Jesse sometimes had trouble because she was a bit short-tempered like him, even though that characteristic only showed when she didn't get him to speak.  
Oh, his dear daughter was the most precious thing he had and losing her would cause him to lose the little rest of joy he had in his life.  
Harry had managed to better their relationship again after a big argument they'd had and they had stayed in contact ever since.  
What would it take him to tell her?  
What would happen to him if she didn't understand? If she didn't accept him?  
Iris interrupted his thoughts: "How's Jesse doing?"  
"She's doing good, her team makes much progress and she's really happy about that.", he answered.  
"That's good.", smiled Barry's wife.

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful.  
Barry got drunk on Caitlin's new wonder liquid and sang Céline Dion's 'My heart will go on'.  
Harry drank two more beers and was then the first to leave.  
Joe escorted him to the door.  
"Harrison, if you ever got something you need to talk about, you know I won't spoil anything to anyone."  
When he didn't respond, the detective grinned and added: "Have a good evening, be sure to get some sleep, nobody wants to see you with a hangover."  
After Joe closed the door behind him, Harry called a taxi to head to Alan's place where they would watch tv and where the scientist would also stay the night.


	5. The Twink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Alan enjoy their day together.  
> Cisco needs to learn the hard way that friendships are built on trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Learning A Lesson

A smell woke him up.  
It was the smell of fresh coffee and bread.  
The bread didn't smell like the toasty cardboard that America had to offer, but like good tasting delicious bread.  
Smelling was interesting, since the nose was connected to the mouth, you 'smelled' with your tastebuds too.  
The window was open, he could feel the cold refreshing breeze on his body like a mint on his tongue, though not as harsh.  
Hairs on his arms peaked up and goosebumps formed, but he didn't feel cold.  
Since it was merciless hot these days, a cool wind in the morning was like a little miracle.  
A bird chirped outside, but it sounded as tired as he felt even deep in his bones; the winged musician soon stopped singing, leaving only the sound of the roaring cars down on the street.  
One of his hands reached out, but only found an empty space beside him.  
He finally opened his eyes.  
His eyelids were practically glued shut by sleeping sand so he rubbed them yawning until he could see his slightly blurry vision clearly.  
It was an exhausting procedure for him to roll on his side to pick up his glasses from the nightstand.  
As he was sliding the seeing aid on his nose, he slowly sat up, moaning at the painful sensation of his sore back.  
He had been attacked and thrown to the floor by metas too many times in the last week and his body was decorated with bruises in every color of the rainbow.  
Even though Alan had noticed, he hadn't ever asked again where Harry got his bruises and wounds from, because the scientist had reacted quite rudely once.  
When he put on his clothes from the previous day he was too tired to notice that he had buttonned his shirt wrong.  
The wooden floor cracked slightly under his shoes as he was walking towards the kitchen.  
Pleasent smells, that had woken him up before, grew stronger the nearer he got to his destination.  
His belly got a warm feeling when he saw Alan in the room he entered, taking the freshly baked bread out of the oven.  
Harry walked up to the banker and laid his hands softly on his shoulders, and felt a bit of tension build up until Alan turned his head and saw that it was him.  
The architect kissed him softly with his thin lips that were still moist from drinking a glass of water before.  
He kissed back but hummed in a disapproving tone.  
"You don't get me more hydrated by kissing.", Harry said annoyed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  
"It was worth a try, don't you think?", his boyfriend laughed and that laugh sounded like the sound of water running in a riverbed, like the sun warming his face in the morning, like chocolate melting on his tongue and so much more.  
He smiled mildly and left the blond-haired alone, who started cutting the warm fresh bread.  
Harry sat down at the table that surface had been covered with food.  
It wasn't what you would call a typical american breakfast, it was a german one.  
Alan Parker had grown up in Germany for the first years of his childhood so he led a very different life from Harry's, fighting supernatural beings excluded.  
The breakfast was bread with sweet toppings like a nougat-cream, honey, chocolate sprinkles or marmalade.  
Alan the architect had told him that cooking wasn't usually included in making breakfast and that warm food was usually eaten for lunch or dinner.  
German bread was good, even though Alan wasn't satisfied by his own baking skills, Harry was.  
Both of them sat down at the table and the scientist sipped on the coffee that he needed.  
"How many cups of coffee are you gonna drink today?", asked Alan with concerned curiosity.  
If it had been anyone else who had asked this question, Harrison would've snapped back but he knew better than to ruin what he had with Alan.  
"I don't know. Maybe not ten for once, since I slept well."  
"You're gonna stop drinking that much coffee that isn't healthy. You should try to reduce the amount of coffeein, I bet you're already addicted.", Alan let his worries show and Harry saw it in those green eyes much too strong.  
He let out a considerate grumble and started putting jam on his bread.  
"Eww I hate people that don't put butter on it first. Like I'm not a fan of much butter either but you know.", came the reaction from the other side of the table and Harry laughed.  
"You should get used to it then, since you like me too much to leave me for such a dumb reason.", Wells teased.  
"You're underestimating me, Harrison!"  
"Yeah, sure."  
One of Alan's weirdest habits was that he refused to listen to american radio channels, so he would use the livestream of his favorite german radio stations over internet.  
The architect's absolute favorite channel had mostly english songs but also german ones, Harry had gotten used to it by now.  
Once the dark-haired scientist had complained about one particular german song that was played much too often so Alan had switched to german folk music to show him what real torture was. Harry had quickly apologized and had sworn to himself to never complain again.  
After the breakfast they cleared the table and put their shoes on, Wells didn't dare to forget his cap.  
Team Flash knew that Harry had taken a day off, if that was even possible, he wasn't in a rush to get to S.T.A.R. Labs.  
Since the temperatures outside were still in a accepted range, they both decided to head out.  
The city was roaring.  
Cars everywhere, heading to any destination, planes flying overhead and bus drivers honking at people that decided to pull out of driveways at the worst moment.  
Central City's park was a good place to just stroll and enjoy each others company, the air in the park was also cooler and fresh, something that you couldn't find between the grey blocks downtown.  
As they walked side by side, Harry knew that Alan would want to hold his hand, even for just a few steps, but the blond man knew that Wells wasn't ready.  
It was silent and the half-German tried to find a topic to talk about desperately.  
"So science is kinda an ongoing thing in your family, right?", he tried to get the conversation going.  
"What do you mean?", Harry asked.  
"I mean you're a scientist, your wife was a scientist, your daughter is a scientist, your cousin..."  
"Please don't talk about my cousin. And yes, I guess so."  
"Tell me more about Jesse, I'm curious.", Alan demanded, knowing that she was Harry's favorite thing to talk about.  
"One time when she was seven we had an ant problem in our house. I left her at home with a nanny while I was working on a saturday. I got called one hour later by the police, they said Jesse tried to kill all the ants with a self-built flamethrower, which nearly burned the house down."  
Both smiled at the idea of the determined little girl trying to get rid of the insects.  
It went silent again, but this time it wasn't an awkward silence.  
Birds sang in the trees above them and a breeze rattled on the branches, making the leaves rustle.  
The leaves were already turning orange and brown, due to the hot weather the trees didn't get enough water to survive.  
A duck walked by and made angry sounds when they came along before it ran away.  
Alan suddenly stopped walking and picked up a feather from the ground, he collected feathers since he was little, Harry recalled Parker telling him that on their second date.  
He was a bit confused when Alan led them back into the city, but in a part of it that he didn't visit often.  
"I'm taking you somewhere and you need to promise me to not complain, nor be angry at me, nor run away.", he was warned.  
"Why?", Wells asked, but didn't get an answer.  
In the corner of his eye he saw the familiar yellow spot, that was a taxi.  
He wondered if he started getting paranoid when he turned around for a moment but his muscles tensed up when he looked at the license plate of the vehicle.  
"A taxi is following us.", he whispered in Alan's left ear.  
"You're paranoid, Harry. There's cabs everywhere in Central City!"  
"No, it's the same license plate, Alan."  
Parker shrugged it off, but Harry continued being on guard for the whole way.  
When they arrived at their destination, Harrison Wells understood what his boyfriend had meant earlier.  
"You won't get me in a gay bar. Not even with ten horses."  
"Harry, I want to go in there with you so you get more comfortable. You care about what people think of us? You know what? Gay people don't care. So come with me Harry. Now."  
He couldn't even fight back before the well-dressed man had already dragged him in the club, that was apperantly opened twenty-four hours a day.  
The room was bright and the music was calm, very different from what he had expected.  
"It's more like a café during the day anyway.", Alan commented and shoved him into a corner bench in the far end of the room.  
There weren't many people here.  
A security guard escorted two drunk guys from the previous night outside; the woman behind the bar watched them while drying off a glass.  
She had three piercings in her ear and a dragon tattoo on her arm.  
The exact opposite was the waitress, that was pretty conservative dressed and had a rainbow pin on her blouse.  
Two young girls walked in hand in hand and sat down near the door, it seemed like they were having a date.  
Alan and Harry stayed the rest of their day there, and he warmed up with time.  
They talked about nonsense and serious topics, they found out that the bartender's name was Diane and the waitress was called Lilly, and they held hands and cuddled.  
With Alan Harry felt vulnerable.  
When he was with him he opened up, he showed sides that not even Jesse knew, and sometimes that thought gave him a bitter taste on his tongue.  
The day went by, slowly the bar really turned into one during the evening and the new staff began their shift.  
They replaced their water with alcohol and Harry got more and more drunk.  
Loud music pressed on their ears and the club was filled with people, the air became thin and sweaty from the bodies that moved with the rythm of the songs.  
Alan already sat in his lap and couldn't stop kissing his lips, and Harry was too concentrated at what Alan's mouth tasted like that he didn't notice the pair of eyes watching him closely.  
After a while when Harry just laid there on the bench being to tired to do anything, Parker noticed.  
"I'm a bit jealous. This twink at the bar been starin' at you for quite a while now.", Alan lulled and breathed the smell of alcohol right in his face.  
"Who?", he asked, blinking himself awake while the architect took another sip from a beer bottle.  
"The one with the dark long hair. He wears a tee with like fan stuff on it or somethin' I don't know..."  
When the young man at the bar saw that Harry had noticed him, he wanted to leave, but Harry was faster.  
He had already crossed the room, the crowd parted just by his furious gaze and he grabbed the man by the elbow.  
"What are you doing here? Tell me, what the hell is this supposed to be?", Harry screamed in the all too familiar face.  
The shorter guy squirmed in his grip.  
"You've always been sneaking out, okay? I thought...", came the quiet answer.  
"You thought what?"  
"I thought you're working against us, okay?! I didn't think you're damn gay, man!", Cisco got mad too now.  
Harry passed the level of his anger that led to an outburst. He was just disappointed.  
"And I thought we were friends. If you don't trust me, then how do you expect me to trust you, Ramon?", he said and that cold statement just cut through the air like a knife.  
"It's Cisco."  
"I don't care. C'mon, Alan, we'll leave.", he muttered and grabbed the blond man, that had followed him, by the hand to drag him out of the building with him.  
Not even the low temperatures of the night could cool him down.


	6. Painful Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fleeing from Alan's flat, Harry remembers his first love - and his first loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Childhood

It was awfully quiet in the kitchen.  
He felt exhausted and drained and did not know what to do.  
Did not know what he was supposed to do now.  
The microwave's clock told him that it was already four in the morning, but he was restless.  
After the incident at the gay bar he had thought about going to the laboratories to just work and work until he couldn't feel his hands anymore like he had always done.  
But he hadn't gone.  
He hadn't because he wasn't the only one who liked to stay and work at night.  
First, he hadn't been able to be certain that Cisco hadn't chosen the work-way out and second, Caitlin the hobby therapist could have been there too.  
Snow was the type to pull an all-nighter and regret it the next day.  
Harry wouldn't have been able to talk to either one of them.  
Of course he and Alan had gone to Alan's place.  
He was sure that Parker would receive an angry letter of his neighbors about noise.  
Harry closed his eyes to the memory of how he screamed and yelled and kicked and thrown things around.  
Nothing broke, thank god, but it wasn't about that.  
It was about the fact that he had basically destroyed the place that Alan called a home.  
A home was supposed to be safe.  
And Harry realised that he wasn't.  
Yes, his boyfriend had told him that he understood but Harry had seen the look in his eyes.  
Alan had been hurt, Alan had been scared.  
Scared of him.  
A decision was made inside his head.  
In complete silence was it that Harrison cleaned up the mess and quietly left.  
This blond man deserved better than him.

The streets of the city were already waking up, windows lit up and cars disrupted the silence.  
It was the beginning of a work day for many citizens, wether young or old.  
Right now the sun wasn't up yet so it was cold and fresh, despite the smell of carbondioxide.  
Harry was in the middle of it.  
A man with glasses and black cap walking down the long streets of the meta-poisoned city.  
He turned into an alley that was fast at leading him into the poorer parts of Central City, that laid hidden right in the shadows of the glorious skyscrapers.  
The warmth was still here, no wind was able to reach these blocks, not even at night.  
Automatically Harry took deeper breaths, as the air here was thick and used.  
He could feel some curious gazes prickling in his neck while he walked.  
A small shady hotel caught his attention.  
This was a place he could stay in, where no-one knew him and no-one he knew would expect him to be.  
The heavy door made screeching noises when he opened it and he would've loved to oil it, if it had been his door.  
Harry was pleasantly surprised that someone was still at the front desk, even if it was a lady in her late forties with greasy hair and a badly rolled cigarette in the corner of her mouth.  
You would expect Harrison Wells to have higher standards for a hotel, but he didn't.  
As long as he didn't have to talk to anyone he knew, even a child-sized bed was enough.  
"Hey.", greeted him the scratchy voice of the woman.  
"I want a room for two nights.", he stated clear.  
"Do you have money or anything else to pay with?", she asked as if it was common that people paid with 'anything else' than money.  
Lucky for Harry though, because he had left his wallet at Alan's.  
He spent a few seconds searching his pockets before he slapped a bunch of coupons from Big Belly Burger on the dirty desk.  
The woman looked delighted and grabbed the stack in an overly sexual way before she gave the scientist a key to room number forty-one.  
The narrow walls of the hall seemed to close in on him as he walked to the room he had rented.  
Light fell in too dim through one window on the end and gave the whole surroundings the feeling of an old horror film.  
Dust danced in the air, made visible by the light, and spinned around in circles before meeting the ground.  
The floor must have been a modern plain wood but now it was just patchy and grey from dust, dirt and other things Harry didn't want to know of.  
When he found the door with the scrubbed-off number forty-one the tall man needed to push multiple times with his whole body until the door opened.  
It seemed like the door hadn't been made for this frame.  
A cough erupted from his throat, the dusty air in this room was unbearable and so he opened the window as fast as he could.  
Harry closed the door.  
This room had a little bathroom but Harry was sure he wouldn't use the shower and would instead just use the sink to wash himself.  
It was because the shower was inhabited by a colony of various spider species.  
The actual room had a little drawer, in which to put clothes, a coathanger next to the door and a shabby old bed, which still looked surprisingly comfortable though.

When he woke up, it was already twelve and the bed of the hotel stunk like dust and a bunch of unrecognizable things.  
He felt hungry and thirsty, since his last meal had been on the previous day, but he couldn't find the energy to get up again, not yet.  
The slight headache from the fading alcohol wasn't helping in finding the motivation to do anything either.  
Harry turned to lay on his back, he looked up at the ceiling that he wasn't really looking at, because he spaced out.  
Memories came up, unfolded in his mind, memories he didn't think he had or that he had always ignored.  
Sometimes the mind chose to bury certain memories for the own good, but Harry knew that once those moments were uncovered it hurt twice as much.  
A scene formed in his head.  
Harrison Wells had been only four years old at that moment.

_The playground wasn't the best, the city didn't have the money to get it in shape again, but the swings were still quite good._   
_His mom had brought him, his dad didn't share her idea of his ideal childhood._   
_The sand under his bare feet was warm from the sun and he wondered how it could be so soft too, if it was made from stone._   
_Cool and fresh was the slight wind that let the trees' branches rattle and the swings shift back and forth._   
_His brain quite automatically calculated the force of the wind, but he ignored it._   
_Mom had said "Have fun and don't think about things too much!" and he listened to her._   
_After walking a few metres he sat down on one swing, the plastic of the seat was warm from the sun, just like the sand._   
_Harry laughed when the swing took him higher and higher, he imagined that it kind of felt like flying._   
_When the swing slowed down he noticed the other boy next to him._   
_"Are you going to just sit there?", he asked the other child after he got off and approached the other swing._   
_"Nobody wants to play with me. They say I'm stupid.", the boy answered and his lower lip quivered as he started to sob._   
_Harry was a little taken back by the whole thing but he didn't want the other to be sad._   
_"My mom always hugs me when I'm sad.", he found the proper solution and hugged the boy who was probably even older than him._   
_"I'm Harrison, and you?"_   
_"I'm Benny.", smiled the kid in front of him._   
_"My mom has a cool card game. Do you want to play with me?", Harry asked, hoping that he could make a friend._   
_"Yeah! My daddy thinks I can't play cards yet but I'm old enough!"_   
_Harrison and Benny walked hand in hand up to Mrs. Wells, who was sitting on a bench, reading a book._   
_She was wearing a white blouse and black jeans and the glasses on her nose were rectangular. Harry liked her glasses._   
_"Mom, can you give me the card game? Me and Benny wanna play!", he begged with puppy eyes and an emphasis on the word 'Mom'._   
_The blonde woman smiled softly and handed him the stack of cards._   
_"Of course, sweetheart."_

The scenario shifted.  
 _It was quiet in the library, only the muffled conversation between the librarian and a young student could be heard._  
 _Like any library in a movie, this one was dark and dusty with heavy bookshelves as thick as walls - a labyrinth of knowledge._  
 _Any noise or disruptment would be answered with a hissed warning either by someone studying or by the librarian herself._  
 _A sixteen year old Harrison Wells sat at one of the desks by the windows, hunched over books and papers and instructional drawings while chewing on the end of his pen, that had a wooden case._  
 _His teeth had already left strong marks in the pen from the constant chewing that he did whenever he was studying._  
 _Rectangular glasses were on the desk, halfway covered by a book with handwritten formulas._  
 _Harrison smiled before he put them on his nose again._  
 _The glasses had been his mom's before she got new ones so he had gotten the lenses of the glasses changed to his diopter strengths._  
 _He looked up when someone approached him and stopped chewing his pen the second he recognized the guy sitting down at the other side of his desk._  
 _"Hello Harrison. Good to see you again.", the boy with hazel-brown hair greeted him with a perfectly white smile._  
 _"Bernard Lapierre. What are you doing here?", he answered with a smirk._  
 _"I'm doing my pHd in biology, and you?", Ben wondered._  
 _"I'm on my way to my sixth one.", Wells showed off._  
 _"Well, or should I say 'Wells', it's always good to see the guy who taught me how to play poker.", his childhood friend joked._  
 _"We were friends for five years, Ben. Don't pretend that we knew each other for only one day."_  
 _A grin spread across Bernard's face, then the seventeen year old put Harry's books aside to clear some space on the desk._  
 _"You changed, Harrison.", Lapierre stated and tilted his head a bit, like he always did when he was thinking._  
 _"You changed too.", was the short answer that rolled off Wells's tongue._  
 _"Despite the things that changed, we're still somehow the same."_  
 _A cold shiver went down Harry's spine and he felt as he was frozen in place while he was just staring at Ben, taking in every feature of him._  
 _"You have your mother's glasses."_  
 _"What? Uhm yeah, yeah.", Harrison blinked._  
 _"You've never changed in the fact that you're just unbelievably sweet.", Ben smiled, leaned over the desk and gave him a kiss._

A last time the place changed.  
 _Harry was at home, the summer break had come around and he had taken the chance to see his mom._  
 _The house smelled of fresh flowers and lavender, but he knew it was just fake._  
 _What he really missed was not the house, nor his room, but his mother's hugs._  
 _She embraced him every morning and kissed his forehead every evening before he went to bed._  
 _The table they were sitting at was much too long, but for his father's meetings it was just right._  
 _Harrison had always liked steak, and his mom had bought the best one just for him._  
 _The kind woman sat right next to him at the table, his father on the other side, watching him with a furious gaze for the whole meal._  
 _"What's this, Harrison?", he demanded to know and his son choked on the piece of meat he had been chewing._  
 _With a shaking hand the boy grabbed the picture._  
 _"What. Where- where did you get that from?", he coughed and swallowed hard._  
 _"I want you to stay away from that boy. If I ever see you meet Lapierre again-", his father yelled and Harry felt the drops of spit hitting his face._  
 _Everything got blurry._  
 _His mom tried to calm her husband down, but Harrison didn't notice._  
 _He felt alone, he felt the sadness and the tears on his cheeks._  
 _"Do you understand?", the man screamed in his face._  
 _"Yes.", Harry muttered, scared._  
 _"I didn't understand that. Say it again."_  
 _"Yes, Sir."_

A sob escaped his lips.


	7. The Deer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's hurt and lost, and makes the wrong decision of going to S.T.A.R. Labs to drown himself in work.  
> A cruel fate awaits him.  
> Can Alan save him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Favorite Song  
> Songs used for inspiration:  
> "4 Seasons" by Rex Orange County  
> "Soda" by Nothing but Thieves  
> "Lover come back" by City and Colour

Bang Bang.  
The sound of the closing door echoed in the dark hallway of the shabby hotel.  
Room number forty-one was now empty.  
A tall man with black clothes had left the building.  
His sight was blurred from the hectic trance his body stayed in, and his heartbeat was definitely faster than average.  
He was a fleeing deer, afraid of being hunted down and killed by the big bad wolf.  
If someone had asked him what he felt, he would have answered that he felt fear and guilt and this deep deep sadness that he was already used to by now.  
As he was walking down the street between two blocks, he wondered what he needed to do.  
Maybe, he thought, maybe he could live without all this pain, maybe he inflicted this pain on himself by trying so hard to be happy.  
It was already evening and the hunger and thirst dragged him into a Big Belly Burger.  
When he realised he hadn't got any money on him he walked out the door again.  
The little bell rang when it fell shut.  
Life wasn't easy.  
Life didn't even pretend to be easy.  
Life was hard.  
So, so hard.  
A woman in her twenties walked right by him, blowing the stinking smoke of her nicotine addiction right in his face.  
He ignored it.  
His feet seemed to be twenty pounds each, so heavy felt every step he took that day.  
As if gravity had a stronger affect on him today, he walked slow and steady, through the busy blocks of Central City's downtown.

A clockwork was a machinery that always repeated the same motion, over and over again.  
It did the same task twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and sixty-five days a year, just like an assembly line worker who always checked the same three screws of a machine.  
No matter if it started sooner or later, got set back or set forth, it was still the same motion.  
Tick Tock.  
Again.  
And again.  
So many times that you could get hypnotised by the steady rythm and just drift off into a trance.  
But this mechanism was delicate.  
Such small pieces that needed to be perfect and needed to work together, otherwise the clock didn't work at all.  
Sometimes, so it seemed, was life the same every single day, the lulling rythm put you in a trance, everything just blurred together.  
Sometimes the clockwork had a malfunction.  
How could such a perfect thing not work suddenly?  
How could the balanced rythm become irregular?  
Why couldn't the plan work out for once?

Harrison Wells thought that his life was like that.  
There was either the depressed state of constant work and sleep deprivation or the up and downs of happiness, sadness, relaxation and anger.  
He admitted that he liked to dissociate from the world around him and work till he fell asleep on the workbench at four in the morning, rather than having to deal with a real life and all the emotion that came with it.  
When he was happy, he always started to like the sudden changes every day had, but then something always ruined it all.  
It was like a reminder to stay out of these emotionally draining situations.  
Harry clearly remembered the days after his father had spit in his face, saying he was disgusted by him, even more disgusted by Benny.  
He had packed his small suitcase again and had headed back to the university, where he had tried so hard to find Bernard, but didn't succeed.  
A girl, Melissa Damsel, had told him that Lapierre had apparently transferred universities.  
Harry never managed to shake the feeling off that his father had done this to punish him.  
Looking back, his father had ruined his life and had infected his brain with all the hatred he had spat out of his mouth every day.  
He had felt something for Ben.  
It hadn't been just a dumb kiss in the library.  
That man had been his first real love and his father had shown him that this love was wrong.  
Sadly, he noticed that all of that he never wanted to become, he had become.  
Harrison saw how he hurt the people dearest to him the most, how he told them how utterly useless they were, how stupid they were.  
"Got no brain in the head.", he remembered saying about that one student who had looked into the work at S.T.A.R. Labs for a school project.  
His memory told him that he had heard her crying in an empty office later that day.

A slow deep breath washed away all of his thoughts that were filling his head, making him feel dizzy for a second.  
After he crossed a street his left shoe started sticking to the dirty pavement as he walked.  
The immediate conclusion was, without much thinking, that he must've stepped into a gum.  
What fun it would be getting it off later.  
Rays of sunlight that warmed the city blinded him every now and then when he didn't walk in the shadow of a building, making him squint his eyes or look down, which wasn't the best idea you could have downtown.  
All those stressed faces and sweaty bodies blurred together with the sound of steps to a big loud mass, trapping him, a beast, waiting for him to get lost, to feel alone.  
And he felt alone.  
But he found the way out of the mass, and in front of him was S.T.A.R. Labs of Earth One, looking like a futuristic cathedrale for the gods of electricity and gas, inmidst grey concrete boxes.  
Reaching for the night's sky with its gigantic towers, looking whole, not like other buildings, with their cookie-cutter balconies that seemed to be the hungry mouths, hungry for money, hungry for happiness.  
People moved to Central City, looking for jobs, wether they were young or old, hopeful eyes gazing the city with wonder.  
Once they were there, the things looked different.  
Renting a single room here cost more than renting a whole flat in a rural area.  
The tight grey spaces you were supposed to call home made you depressed and unmotivated.  
Jobs weren't easy to find, much harder to get, and now that the laboratories hadn't been running (officially) for years, all the college students had needed to do other underpaid jobs just so they could keep their apartment.

Harry unlocked the side door with a key and pulled the heavy thing open before he could slip into the building without a noise.  
Cold air flowed down the winding hallway, that led upstairs, maybe Ramon had managed to repair the AC again.  
Nobody seemed to be here.  
No voice of Barry blasting through the speakers, no Cisco giving the speedster instructions, no Joe watching with crossed arms, no Dr. Snow mixing all kinds of substances.  
It was just empty.  
And he was glad about that.  
The chair made a pityful sound when Harry sat down at his workspace, it was about time to get new furniture from some of the many offices at the Labs.  
His precious pulse rifle needed to get some repairs, on top of that also a software upgrade.  
Screwdrivers were the thing.  
Such a smart invention, screws and screwdrivers, coming in all shapes and sizes, just like humans;  
Harry deemed them the most important tools when building something because there was no way you could built anything only with nails, especially no gun.  
He didn't hear anyone, he didn't hear anything.  
He only felt the hand pressing down on his mouth, muffling his angry screams.  
He managed to jump out of the chair, to get the person off him.  
But it wasn't that easy.  
The masked man gave him a punch straight to the face.  
His glasses slid off his nose, one lense cracked when they hit the floor.  
He punched.  
And kicked.  
He didn't know how long.  
He didn't know how often.  
It was just a blurr of fists and kicks from both him and his rival.  
After he knocked the guy out, Harrison gasped.  
A knife was in his belly.  
He had been stabbed.  
He could feel the adrenaline stopping the pain and giving him energy.  
He knew the adrenaline would last approximatly fifteen minutes, maybe less.  
There were two options.  
Keep the knife and risking his stomach filling up with blood, and thus, suffocating.  
Or to get rid of the knife and risking to bleed out in only a few minutes.  
The scientists hurried to the med bay, just crawling for the last metres.  
His sight was blurry but he knew what he needed, and he found it.  
Needles weren't his thing, but in this situation he just rammed it into his forearm to inject the painkiller, a second one to slow down his heartbeat, so that less blood would be pumped right into his stomach.  
Now he just slumped back onto the wall, leaning against it.  
Slowly he sat down on the floor, careful not to hurt himself even more.  
He thought that he would probably die, that he wouldn't be able to apologize for the crap he did.  
He had been in similar situations like this before, but he had always been immediately unconscious.  
The mobile phone rang.  
It was Alan.  
What a bittersweet perfection.  
"I'm sorry Alan. I didn't think- no, I hurt you. I'm so sorry.", Wells breathed into the microphone, not letting Alan talk first.  
 _"You don't sound okay, are you alright, Harry?"_  
He blinked, he couldn't think clear.  
His mind was spinning.  
"I'm so sorry, Tess.", he sobbed.  
 _"Harry tell me what's wrong, are you hurt?"_  
"Mom always told me not to get in trouble."  
 _"Where are you? Please tell me, Harry!"_  
"Oh what irony. Lonely in life, lonely in death. That's what they always say, right?", he mumbled in an incomprehensive way;  
his tongue felt funny.  
He heard Alan call his name, but then his eyelids fell shut.

Joe West's day had been quite boring.  
He had had breakfast with Cecile and the baby, then he'd gone to work.  
Nothing much had happened there, paperwork, a new colleague had been introduced, a bar fight, paperwork, and more paperwork.  
Just as he was about to fall asleep in his office chair, an officer told him someone called for him and that it seemed to be urgent.  
When he saw the nervous blond man his age, pacing in the hallway, he didn't know what to think.  
The detective clearly didn't know him, and had no idea what this guy might want from him.  
"Detective West! The secretary told me your name because I only saw you once and...", the stranger started to ramble with a german sounding accent.  
Joe gently grabbed the man by the shoulders to stop him from talking.  
"Why did you call for me?", he asked.  
"I saw you drink coffee once with Harry so I thought I could find you the easiest since you're from the police, I know that from a news podcast by the way..."  
"Concentrate!", Joe told him, ignoring the questions that came to his mind.  
"Harrison called me, he didn't sound alright I think he's unconscious."  
"How do you know him? And did he tell you where he was?"  
"We're... friends, yeah, friends. I don't know he just said sorry and some things that don't make any sense. He needs help, I can feel it."  
"Come with me.", West said and stormed off.  
It was a risk not to ask more questions about the guy, but if his friend really got himself in so much trouble that he said sorry, then clearly every minute counted.  
He had never gone that fast in a police car before (of course with sirene on), but today he broke all speed limits existing.  
It would be hell of a lot of work deleting all the photos of the speed cameras, because he couldn't find any plan to how he could write a report without using any names and then getting it through.  
He just stopped right in front of the doors of S.T.A.R. Labs.  
The detective didn't care about security anymore, there was no way he could get rid of his companion now.  
They found Harrison Wells in the med bay after seeing his broken glasses in the lab and following the droplets of blood into the other room.  
Despite his unconsciousness and the wound, Harry's pulse felt steady under Joe's fingers.  
After putting him on the operation table the eyes of the scientist fluttered open.  
"Harry!", exclaimed Alan, who had been wondering why S.T.A.R. Labs was intact and especially what Harry was doing in here.  
"Joe. Before you call Snow. Get him out. Get Alan out of here.", Wells whispered before drifting into unconsciousness again.  
While Joe cut open Harry's shirt and prepared the bandages, he spoke to the guy that was apparently called Alan.  
"You go. I don't care about anything you think about saying. You really need to go. And forget that you were ever here while you're at it."  
Even though Parker hesitated, he followed the detective's order.  
He ran through the smaller streets back to his apartment.  
After he closed the door, he fell to his knees, just sobbing into his blood-covered hands.


	8. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds himself back at his childhood home.  
> Despite his first worries, he enters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Halloween

_He loved the echo that the high walls of the houses produced, hearing his steady steps again and again so much louder._  
_One foot nearly slipped on the wet cobblestone pavement, it was raining softly._  
_These sounds of the rain hitting the stone were relaxing, hypnotising, grounding._  
_Bittersweet memories crossed his mind._  
_How he had stood there, by his open window, everytime it rained, just to breathe in the fresh air, to breathe in the enticing smell, to just let go of the stress for a few moments before he went back to studying._  
_Every summer he had missed the rain so much, he had craved it, he had missed the sensation of the water prickling on his skin._  
_The houses left and right to him showed him their backside, their ugly fire ladders poking into the alley like rusty spikes._  
_Disgusting smelling gasses escaped metallic pipes, breathing into his neck with their dark gaping mouths._  
_Bricks fell from the rooftops, being smashed to pieces right by his side, making him jump in fear, making him walk faster and faster until he was running as fast as he could._  
_Cold air burned his lungs and throat, he gasped for air but only got more pain, his joints hurt, his knees were shaking._  
_His sight was getting dull, shaky, he didn't know wether it was from exhaustion or if his eyesight was suddenly becoming worse._  
_Slowing down he found himself in a street, big white painted houses behind big dark fences looked at him with hollow eyes, not a single light was shining through a window._  
_It was dark, it was night, a night with no stars._  
_But the stars weren't covered by clouds, there just weren't any stars to spent him light, only the full moon shone brightly down on his pale face._  
_Leaves crunched beneath his feet as he was making his way through the rich neighborhood he remembered growing up in._  
_He couldn't remember why he was here, in the place he had avoided for years, decades even._  
_Something about this was weird though._  
_A giddy feeling rested in his stomach, something was out of place, yet it was definitely the Rosewood Street, without a doubt._  
_The dark clouds, that had suddenly appeared in the sky, growled angrily and threw lightning bolts down to earth._  
_Intimidating, he thought when he approached his childhood home, nothing had changed while he had been gone._  
_It crossed his mind to maybe come back in the morning, but he was wet and cold and had forgotten the number of the taxi company anyway, so there wasn't a possibility to get downtown again today._  
_The rusty hinges of the gate squeaked when he pushed it open, the sound it made when he closed it was even sadder._  
_A path of polished stones led to the front door and there, on the porch, was that little white marble angel that his grandmother had bought before she had passed away._  
_This small statue had always been there, seemingly undisturbed by the forces of nature, never a spot of mud on the porcelain skin._  
_But now it was black and brown, covered in mud and dead plants, and a shiver went down his spine when he saw that the angel was beheaded, the head laying in pieces at the feet of the figurine._  
_With hesitant steps it was that he walked up to the door and slowly pressed the button of the doorbell._  
_Ringing and ringing in a highpitched distorted melody, only a fragment of the soothing sound he remembered._  
_The heavy oaken door opened, revealing his mother, she didn't look a single day older, he noticed, taken aback._  
_"Harry!", she squealed full of joy, wrapping her arms around his waist, holding him close and he shuddered, he felt his mother's heart beat, and all of his doubts were washed away._  
_Oh, how he had missed her, her warmth, her love._  
_"You still have my old glasses.", she laughed and wiped a tear from her cheek, looking at him with her blue eyes._  
_Harry could feel what she thought but what she wouldn't say out loud._  
_How he looked so much like his father when he had been his age._  
_The tiles on the floor were dull, grey, their shining surface scrubbed off, some were broken, like they had been used a hundred years._  
_A feeling overcame him, he felt wary of his surroundings like something was not adding up but he couldn't put it in words, it was as if something blocked his mind from exploiting the thought further._  
_He shook the emotion off, it didn't mean anything, he was here, with his mother._  
_She led him upstairs, and on the walls were the many paintings of his ancestors, like usual, looking down at him with judging gazes, their eyes somehow hallow but holding an unknown grudge against him, making him shiver._  
_"Where's father?", Harrison asked the woman and she simply replied with "In the dining room, having a meeting.", like always._  
_His father had always hosted meetings, all the damn time and had never really cared about him, his only child, the only thing he had given a shit about had been his money and the illusion of his perfect little family, his perfect little life._  
_Everytime anything had shaken that picture he had become furious, like a beast, yelling and spitting and driving his perfect little family a step further away from him._  
_Harrison Wells had never gotten in contact with him again after being able to move out, only his mother had received some rare letters telling her what had happened in his life._  
_They walked down the long hallway now, it was unbelievably cold, every breath visible in the air._  
_The floor creaked, a disturbing sound, and it became darker and darker with every single step he took, the hallway got longer and longer and smaller and smaller, the dim light above him flickered like in a cheap horror movie._  
_All doors were painted pitch black, only one, only one was painted white, radiating light, even though there was none._  
_Harry knew the door, his old bedroom would be behind it._  
_Unfamiliarly cold was the doorknob and as a weird smile spread across his mother's face he turned it once and pushed it open._  
_In the middle of the room was a bed, a big white bed, there was no other furniture in the room anymore, the windows were covered with black veils, moving in an unexisting wind._  
_His eyes widened when the girl sitting on the bed looked at him and smiled._  
_"Hi, dad!", Jesse exclaimed, grinning in a childish way._  
_She didn't look normal._  
_She was not different, but she was._  
_Her hair was long and dark, reaching down to her waist and she wore a white nightgown with lace on the arms._  
_A sickening paleness covered her skin and her eyes seemed so empty and unmoved - dead even._  
_His heart was hurting with worry, what was it, that had happened to her?_  
_Not once did he ask himself why his daughter was here._  
_Suddenly she coughed, and coughed, harder and harder, not able to stop and her face became an expression of pain when she gagged and blood ran over her lips._  
_And he couldn't move, he wanted to scream her name, he wanted to run up to her and help her but his feet didn't move and his mouth felt like it was sewed shut and so he was forced to watch and listen as his child spit out litres of blood, turning the white sheets and the white gown into evidence of a fight with death._  
_Tears were running down his face, when he saw the body of his little girl go limb, her lips red, blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth as these empty eyes looked straight into his soul._  
_He wanted to stay, he wanted to hold her but a hand closed around his arm and dragged him along, he couldn't fight, he was too weak._  
_"Mom!", he sobbed in unbelief, how could she do this to him, how?_  
_A strong kick sent him down the stairs, his arms bad at protecting his body, his head banged against the edges of the stairs more than once and at least two of his ribs felt broken when he came to a halt in the hallway downstairs._  
_One of his eyes turned nearly black and he started crawling, his whole body hurt but he wanted to live, at least he thought he did right now._  
_Bad that the woman, that didn't even look like his mother anymore, chased him right into the dining room where the copy of his father stood._  
_"Bad behavior.", were the words that came spitted out of the man's mouth and a fist to the jaw sent him back to the ground after being able to get up on his knees._  
_Every wound seemed to be pulsating with pain, but his heart hurt the most._  
_For just a second he passed out completely and when he was able to open his good eye again he found himself chained to a chair, sitting neatly at the dining table, a napkin placed in his lap, just like he had been taught as a child._  
_Harry pulled and pushed at the cuffs but he could not break free._  
_Candlelight dipped the room into a romantic atmosphere that he certainly didn't enjoy and there were his fake parents, his father at the other side of the table, his mother right next to him._  
_Music screeched in the background when a girl walked into the room, wearing a black dress and smiling politely as she put down a plate in the middle of the table._  
_The girl was Jesse and his heart filled with joy until he took a look at the plate she had brought._  
_Jesse put a bit of the apparent food on his plate and Harry coughed and gagged._  
_It wasn't food, it was fingers, human fingers and he knew from whose hands they were._  
_A golden ring on one of them reflected the light in all directions, the letters engraved in the metal were so clear and Harry looked down at his hands, choking from seeing an identical one on his left ring finger._  
_One finger had a thin scar right over one of the joints._  
_It had been the result of a bread cutting accident that Bernard had had in middle school, Harrison remembered the day so clear._  
_And the others, he would always recognize the thin long fingers of the architect, of Alan._  
_His heart raced in his chest, he teared at the chains in pure panic but they didn't break._  
_"Eat up, daddy.", Jesse demanded in a singsong and rammed her fork into the finger of her own mother so hard, Harry heard the bone inside cracking._  
_"Jess.", he cried unable to move away from the table as she leaned over and brought the finger closer and closer to his face._

He shot up in the bed of the medbay, sweating and gagging and immediately vomited into the bucket that someone pushed into his shaking hands.  
Sounds of disgust came from his right and after the bucket was taken from him again, he saw that it had been nobody else but the floppy-haired lollipop called Cisco Ramon.  
One look from him was enough that the young scientist left the room.  
"You were stabbed. You had great luck that Joe found you, otherwise you would've died.", Caitlin told him.  
"Great.", he replied, "Now leave me alone. All of you. Now!"  
Snow muttered something but followed the others outside.  
And he layed back and tried as hard as he could to get the haunting pictures out of his mind.


	9. Sewn And Fixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems like everything is going to be alright again.  
> But we all know karma is a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Romance With A Plot Twist

It was night and the CCPD was just dimly lit, nearly deserted except the officers on night shift and Detective Joe West, who was skimming a telephone book with tired eyes.  
There were unbelievably many people called Alan and he had already put his real work aside for hours to find this guy.  
At first he had called everyone with that name but after a while the sun had set and he wasn't someone who would ring someone out of their bed for nothing.  
His eyelids fell shut for a few seconds until he noticed and sat up straight again.  
With a loud thud it was that he closed the book, he wouldn't be successful this oldschool way.  
Bright radiating light from the computer screen shone on his face and the Detective looked up to see that a message had popped up.  
Some information about three abductions that had happened today, but no new information to him.  
After he closed the window he opened the browser.  
It was worth a try, and if he did find him, then it would've been a lot faster than continueing calling everyone on that phone list.  
Joe had actually searched the police files but it seemed like the person he searched for had never been involved in anything, not even as a witness.  
 _"Alan Central City"_  
he typed into google and after that didn't bring results he added different characteristics like height and eye color.  
Three results showed up when he added the hair color, the top one led to the website of an architect.  
"Bingo!", he whispered to himself when the blond slim man appeared in a photo with two suburban houses in the background.

Alan Parker couldn't sleep a minute, he turned and turned in his bed, unable to close his eyes, because when he did, all he saw was Harry and blood, all that blood.  
Yesterday evening it had happened.  
His nostrils widened as he took a deep breath and got up.  
The thin grey shirt and the plaid pj pants fell loose around his thin limbs.  
With the addition of the dark circles under his eyes and his hair pointing in all directions, he looked ill.  
Darkness lit up the apartment, shadows seemed to close in on him from every corner as he paced through the rooms, not being able to know how Harry was doing was driving him crazy.  
Maybe if he had stopped him from leaving his flat that damn morning it wouldn't have happened.  
Yes, they would've both been emotionally hurt in a way but for God's sake, Harrison could be dying without him knowing.  
It was the fault of that guy named Cisco Ramon.  
If he hadn't followed them to the bar, then Harry wouldn't have fled his apartment and wouldn't have been inside that S.T.A.R. Labs building and wouldn't have been stabbed.  
Only after his fist hit the wall and his knuckles cracked in an unhealthy way and a pain shot up his arm, only then he realised how dumb that thought was, how stupid.  
Even if it had been wrong of this Cisco to follow and... stalk them, he hadn't attacked Harry.  
A shiver went down his spine when his mobile phone started ringing too loudly in the silence.  
He would've guessed that it was a client, because an unknown number appeared on the screen, but no normal person would call in the middle of the night for work reasons.  
Slowly, with a shaking hand, he grabbed the device and accepted the call.  
"Parker. How can I help you?"  
His voice was shaking too, he noticed.  
 _"Hello, I'm sorry to call this late. Here's Detective West."_  
"How's Harry?", he nearly yelled into the microphone, his heart racing in fear of bad news.  
 _"Don't worry, he's alright. He's already woken up again."_ ,  
the soothing voice of Joe West came out of the speaker.  
"Can I... I'm confused by the whole thing, I mean... what was he doing in that facility and...", Alan started rambling, relieved by the information of Harrison's wellbeing, but still worried.  
 _"I'm sorry, I can't tell you much but I would like to meet you at 8 for breakfast at CC Jitters to talk about everything. Alright?"_  
"When can I see him?"  
 _"I'll find a solution for that until we meet tomorrow. Sleep now. I know it's stressfull but you have to rest."_  
"Okay. Goodnight, Detective.", he said and hung up.  
He definitely wasn't going to rest.

The night went by slowly, it felt like an eternity before the clock ticked another time, but eventually, even the longest night ends.  
Alan showered and got dressed in a navy blue suit, he always wore suits outside of the house, mostly because of his job.  
Weird feelings rested in his stomach, what could he expect of this meeting?  
Hopefully some answers to why Harry was in that lab ruine and why he was stabbed.  
And by who.  
What he felt wasn't anger, it was worry and guilt.  
Worried of Harrison, who could've died, and who Alan had no idea about what condition he was in.  
Guilt because he didn't protect him.  
Because that one morning when Harry had been restless and emotional, he hadn't got up to hug and calm him, to be there for him.   
Just because he had wanted to sleep some more.  
Because he had been to stupid to realise that Harry had needed him.  
A sigh escaped his lips as he fastened his tie and left his apartment.  
It was half-past seven, so, of course, the streets were crowded.  
All these people were going to work - some were running late and already making phone calls, some calmly took the time to buy a bagel and a hot coffee for breakfast.  
Every one of them lived a different life that he knew nothing about.  
While Alan knew that Harry felt overwhelmed by these kind of thoughts, he always wondered what those persons came home to that evening.  
Maybe they had kids, or a new girlfriend, or maybe just their beloved tortoise was waiting for them to come home.  
They all felt about things differently, a fascinating thing in Parker's eyes.  
Finally, the nervous wreck he was, arrived at CC Jitters.  
Many customers were in here, but he saw that the Detective had saved him a place at a table in the far end corner of the room.  
"Good morning, Detective.", he greeted the man and sat down, starting to fidget with a napkin right after.  
"Good morning. Have you slept?", Joe West immediatly asked upon seeing the dark circles under his eyes.  
"No, not really, to be honest.", Alan admitted.  
"So, I can't tell you much, I'm sorry, other than that Harry helped the CCPD with a few cases and that's why he was there that day. And I think someone got wind of our plan.", Joe told the tiniest truth he had ever told anyone.  
"Where is he now?", the architect asked, not getting any more of the pancakes down, that Detective West had ordered him.  
"We... treat him inside S.T.A.R. Labs, since our work is supposed to be secret. I can probably sneak you in tonight, be in front of Jitters at nine."  
"Oh, okay. I won't be late, Sir."  
"I need to go now. See you later."  
And thus, Joe stood up, paid, and left.

At S.T.A.R. Labs everyone was wide awake and working.  
"So... from the witnesses we know that our meta seems to be able to control shadows and apparently also is a 'hot girl that smells like cuban cigars', if we wanna believe the drunk dude who slept in the trash of a restaurant.", Cisco explained, writing the information on the board, while the whole team watched him curiously.  
Joe joined them silently after arriving.  
"Caitlin, do you have the results from the DNA we found at the last crime scene?", Barry asked.  
"Yeah," Caitlin said, looking at the paper in her hand. "the cells seem to duplicate normally first but then they decay into microscopic particles, that absorb a big amount of sunlight." "Which is why it seems like she can control shadows, when it's just like a cloud of light-absorbing dust surrounding our meta.", Ramon followed up.  
"But what I wondered was that if her cells decay at a higher rate than they multiply, she would be dead after using her powers for more than five minutes, which she did, and she is...well, clearly still alive."  
"So why's that?", Joe asked.  
"I found cells in the sample that aren't from our meta but work together with her own cells as one organism."  
"She's using her victims to replace the cells she loses when using her powers.", Harry said, he had ignored Snow telling him to stay in bed and followed the conversation from a chair.  
"We'll call her... Vashta Nerada.", Cisco exclaimed.  
"Seriously? A Doctor Who reference?", asked Harrison annoyed.  
"You know Doctor Who?"  
"Of course I know Doctor Who. Everyone knows Doctor Who."  
"I don't.", Joe admitted, followed by a sigh from Barry, Cisco and Harry.

Back in the med bay, Joe sat down on a chair while Harrison Wells crawled into the bed again.  
"So, how long have you and that Alan been together now?"  
"What?", Harry coughed surprised.  
"I'm not blind. I work for the police, I know how lovebirds act."  
"Lovebirds?", Harry laughed.  
"How long?", Joe pushed.  
"A... uhm... a few months maybe? I don't really know.", the scientist said.  
"What did you even tell him? That you're the Earth Two doppelgänger of a guy who blew up a particle accellerator and turned like a third of the city's population into metas and killed Barry's mom?"  
"I actually blew up an accellerator myself."  
"Yeah, whatever. But what did you tell that guy?"  
"Uhm... I told him that I'm the... cousin. And that Harrison is kindof a popular name in my family."  
"That is the dumbest lie I've ever heard.", Joe laughed.  
Harry just pulled his eyebrows together in a way that indicated that he, in fact, wasn't happy about that situation either.  
Yeah, that lie was incredibly stupid, he realised, but there was no better one he could've used in that moment that Alan had asked him about it.  
"Look, I know you didn't mean to drag him into this, but, fact is, he's asking questions, so there's only two ways to deal with this."  
"Which are?"  
"Either ending the relationship or explaining everything to the team. I know it sounds hard but it's unfair to him if he lives with someone always keeping secrets."  
"But it worked for Barry."  
"Until he was forced to reveal his identity to Iris. You gotta take the chance and decide yourself if you want to invite him into this dangerous life or if you wanna give him the chance to be safe."  
"I can't make that decision."  
"Take it easy. Think about it. I know it's harder for you, but you should really make a choice soon, before something happens, you know?"  
"I... I'll think about it."  
"Ah... yeah, what's that between you and Cisco? You seem to ignore each other a bit."  
"He found out. He followed me and Alan."  
"Well, you gotta talk to him too."  
"Why would I? He should come apologize to me, not the other way 'round!"  
"Is it okay if I have a word with him, then?"  
"Yeah, I guess."  
"Alright. If the metas sleep, I can get your Alan in so you can see each other."  
"Thanks, Joe. I really mean it."  
"No problem. Get some rest."  
After the Detective had left the room, Harry was left alone with his thoughts.  
So many questions filled his head.  
What if this?   
What if that?  
Alan could get hurt if he decided to tell him, everyone on Team Flash just attracted metas anywhere they went somehow.  
But it could be even worse if he wouldn't tell him.  
If he let him go?  
Parker would be safe.  
At least as safe as any other citizen of Central City could be.  
But Harry needed him.

Even though it was already dark, Team Flash stayed at S.T.A.R. Labs to track down the meta.  
They were occupied discussing if the victims had a connection, if the places of the abductions showed a pattern or if there was any indicator for who their rival could be.  
Based on the witnesses' reports they couldn't find anything that could help them reveal the meta's real identity.  
While Cisco insisted that the lair was in the canalisation, Caitlin insisted it could be anywhere, even in places that weren't dark.  
"But she can't hide if she's in a place with light!", Ramon exclaimed.  
"Well, some metas don't care wether or not their hostages see their face and those of Vashta Nerada will surely be dead in the end if we don't act!", Caitlin shouted, she was stressed out because the time of the hostages was running out fast.  
Maybe a day and they could be all gone, depending on how much the meta would use her powers.  
"This isn't getting us any further, guys. Caitlin, is there really no pattern like blood type, sex or race?", Barry intervened.  
"No. The blood types are different, the ethniticities, and we there are both women and men."  
"We need anything. Without any clue we would need to search every corner of Central City!"  
"Well, they all seem to follow a certain account on a forum.", Iris chimed in, showing the others on the screen.  
"Find out who's behind that blog, name, address, anything we could need."  
"Already done.", she smiled and opened a new file.  
"Oh, I love you, Iris.", Barry grinned as they all prepared to leave for the apartment of their suspect, who was called Bethany Paige.  
The Flash wanted everyone to come, because if they didn't find her there, they might find new clues.  
His wife needed to go though, she was going to interview a witness again while having a nice dinner.  
Caitlin informed Harry: "We're heading out. I called Joe to look after you."  
"I'm not a kid. I can look after myself."  
"I'm just making sure you don't get up, rip open your wound and bleed out, just because you think sleep is for the weak.", she commented dryly and left with the others.

No lamp was turned on in S.T.A.R. Labs, everything was dipped in darkness.  
Even though he maybe should've thought about the meta who used this to her advantage, Harry didn't care.  
The dim light from the streets poured in from the window, passing cars threw moving lights onto the wall, before they had passed the window and the light vanished again.  
Something felt safe about it.  
Perhaps it was because Alan had told him that these moving lights had calmed him as a child when he had woken up from a nightmare.  
Now they were calming Harry.  
Tess came into his mind.  
With her soft eyes she had always been able to slow down the storm of thoughts in his head.  
His memories were so clear, he could still feel the touch of her hand on his cheek, the cold metal of her wedding band against his skin, her words.  
A stupid smile spread across his face when he remembered how scared he had been of telling her, so afraid of losing her when their relationship had just begun.  
But she had just smiled this stupid smile before cupping his face with her hands and saying it didn't matter and that she loved him.  
It had been the first time she had told him.  
And he had said "I love you too.", like everyone would have done, like the cheesy dork he had been around her.  
That he felt this way around someone again was like a miracle to him.  
This safe blanket keeping him warm when it was cold.  
This slight breeze cooling him down when he was going to fast.  
This hand that held him when his legs were giving in.  
Relief was what he felt, for Tess would be happy that he was too, again.  
Raising their daughter he had always tried to ensure she wouldn't share his own father's ideals and accept people for who they were.  
Yet, the fear lingered inside him, squeezing his heart.  
What was he supposed to do if all he had taught her failed when it was her own dad?  
What if Jesse would be angry at him for finally finding love again, for finally being able to move on and remember her mother with happiness and not feeling all this pain anymore?  
He had no clue if she had already accepted her mother's death, they didn't talk about her.

Harrison sighed and laid back into the pillows when he heard someone enter the cortex.  
"Hey, Harrison, Caitlin told me to babysit you.", Joe said loud enough for him to hear in the med bay.  
"I won't misbehave as long as I can have candy.", Harry said, grinning, as the Detective appeared in the door frame.  
"I don't have any sweets, but I think your boyfriend here does.", West answered.  
Alan appeared next to Joe, smiling, even though worry was burning in his eyes.  
It was weird and anxiety-inducing hearing someone calling Alan his boyfriend out loud just like that, but in the end it felt so good.  
Parker looked a bit shocked by the word, since he had been on guard while talking to West.  
Wells smiled happily.  
"Couldn't talk to Cisco yet. I'll be in the cortex and log into the comm to know when they're coming back so Mr. Parker can leave fast enough. Don't do dumb stuff, the rooms don't have doors."  
The architect laughed at that last comment and then walked up to the bed, while Joe got to work.  
"You said you didn't like flowers, so I brought chocolate. One that's as bitter as you.", the blond man joked.  
"That's mean. And you know I don't like dark chocolate!", Harrison snapped, comedically crossing his arms like a kid.  
"Just kidding. I bought your favorite.", Alan said and handed him the chocolate bar while he sat down on the edge of the bed, next to Harry.  
"You're even sweeter than this chocolate.", he said after he had a few pieces.  
"Don't slip on your slime trail!"  
"What does that mean?", wheezed the scientist.  
"Oh, right. Just a german saying."  
"Uh-huh. I hope it's nothing mean, even though it does sound a bit like it."  
"I joked, I didn't mean it serious."  
"Okay. You want some?", he asked and offered Alan the chocolate.  
"I sure hope I can have some, I payed for it after all.", Alan said, taking a piece.

After they ate the candy in silence for a while, Alan spoke up: "I'm glad you're okay. I was so fucking worried. I thought you were dying!"  
Harry felt sick when he saw that Alan, his Alan, had tears in his eyes.  
Carefully, not to stress his sewed wound too much, he sat up, put the chocolate on the table beside the bed and pulled Alan close.  
The man hugged onto him for dear life and Harrison held him tight, as Parker started crying into his shoulder.  
He could feel the fabric of his shirt get wet and he stroked his boyfriend's back, feeling Alan's heart beat fast, feeling his own fill with empathy.  
Others would surely have said that Parker's sobbing was gross, but those people just weren't comfortable enough to let their emotions out.  
Time and time again, he thought about how confident and unashamed Alan was able to express his feelings, while he himself couldn't even laugh when he felt like it, because he would feel vulnerable.  
The heart-wrenching sounds stopped, but he did not let go, afraid his heart would break at the sight of the distraught man.  
But he let go, and he gave Alan a pack of paper tissues, to which the architect laughed before drying his eyes and clearing his nose.  
After a minute, Harry saw him smiling at him, the smile reaching his warm green eyes.  
"You know, I do love you, Harry."  
"And I do love you, Alan Parker."

Fools in love.  
A scientist with a love for poetry from Earth Two and an architect with a love for baking from Earth One had somehow found to one another.  
The multiverse had brought them together and they had fallen in love.  
Maybe not a miracle for anyone else, but surely one for Harrison Wells.  
"I need to apologize to you, Alan."  
"For what?"  
"I was so angry at Cisco and then I let all that anger out on you. I... I even went so far to vandalizing your apartment."  
"Nothing broke, Harry."  
"Let me get to my point. I shouldn't have let my anger take control of me. I hurt you. I saw it in your eyes, Alan."  
"What did you see in my eyes, Harry?"  
"That you were scared... scared of me. And it was wrong and I... I left because I wanted you to be safe, because the danger was me."  
Harry choked back his tears before continueing.  
"And I'm in this... thing and everyone in contact with any one of our team is in danger, that includes you."  
"Whatever this 'thing' is, I don't care, as long as I can be with you."  
"I want to end this before you get hurt because of me - or by me. I can survive a breakup, Alan, but I can't survive seeing another member of my family be hurt."  
"You didn't hurt me, Harry, I wasn't scared of you, I was scared for you. And how am I going to know that you're safe when I'm not with you?"  
"What if I hurt you? What if I let my anger take control of me again?"  
"Harrison, you're too smart to not learn from your mistakes. Maybe I'm also smart enough to learn from mine. I shouldn't have let you go that night, I should've cared for you when you were frustrated and hurt."  
Harry felt stupid but he spoke anyway: "Can we hug it out?"  
And they did.  
They held each other close, shared their warmth, felt their hearts beat in sync.  
He felt so loved.  
Harry wanted to get better, for the sake of his family, and Alan was eager to go this way with him.

Neither of them noticed how there was no light falling in from the cortex anymore, nor did they feel the air getting denser.  
It was too late when the alarm in the cortex went off.  
Alan was already unconscious from the serum of the syringe being rammed into his neck.  
Harry was too shocked to stop the meta from ripping the man from his arms.  
The bullet, that Joe fired, hit concrete.  
Vashta Nerada fled.  
Alan was gone.

"No, Harry!"  
Joe was trying to pin him down on the bed, while he screamed and fought and insulted the Detective with all insults he could think of.  
"You can't go after her, you're wounded!"  
"I can! You aren't telling me what to do!"  
"Calm down!"  
"I am going after that bitch!"  
"Alright, but calm down first."  
Harry shut up.  
"I know I can't hold you back forever, so I'm coming with ya. But we gotta think, okay?"  
"Okay."  
Slowly, Harry stood up, facing Joe.  
His face was expressionless, but the Detective saw everything in the scientist's eyes.  
"How are we gonna track her?"  
"Right question!", Harry said, dashing out of the med bay to his workshop, West on his heels.  
With a smooth movement he grabbed his pulse rifle, then opened a drawer with his other hand to get what looked like a regular video camera.  
"What's that?", Joe asked as they made their way out of the facility.  
"Detects dark matter. Been building on it before I got stabbed by that asshole. I hope it works. Better than the one we had before."  
"Oh okay."  
Harry turned the 'camera' on and looked at the display as he searched the street.  
"Get in your car and start the motor.", he said and hopped on the passenger seat.  
Joe stepped on the gas and they were racing down the streets of Central City, Harry with his device leaning out of the window, to see where they needed to go.  
The detective had informed the others about another abduction on the way, and had given them a rough direction in which they were going.  
"Here!", yelled Harrison Wells and Joe hit the breaks.  
They both jumped out of the car and Harry stormed into the building with his gun.  
Team Flash had already found the meta.  
Darkness filled the room, the air was heavy from the dead particles flying around.  
Harry could only roughly make out the tied up hostages on the end of the room, Snow was looking after them.  
It wasn't easy getting across the room.  
Barry ran through the dark, blinded by the artificial shadows, searching every corner with his hands and Ramon shot blasts here and there if he heard a movement.  
Joe stood in the door frame, not moving.  
He ran through the room, trying not to fall over his own feet.  
The hostages looked thin, like they had been starved for weeks and they looked sicker and sicker with every second the darkness grew denser.  
Harry couldn't recognize which one of them was Alan, he couldn't even see his own hands anymore.

For one moment his thoughts were clear.  
The device.  
It had been a camera, but not any camera.  
One with heat vision.  
Harry turned it on, changed the setting.  
There was the warm blur of Barry, Cisco in one corner, Joe... there.  
A woman, right next to a window, pressed against the wall.  
He calmed his anger fast, he needed to be smart.  
He aimed.  
Pulled the trigger.  
And hit.  
The knocked-out meta fell and the darkness vanished, leaving a thick layer of dust on the floor.

Finally, he saw Alan, and ran up to him.  
Noticing the blood on his shirt too late, he passed out.  
He had ripped his wound open.

"Can you tell me why Joe insisted on treating one hostage here in S.T.A.R. Labs?"  
Barry was annoying, why did he always need to ask so many questions about everything.  
As if it wasn't enough that Harry had a stab wound in his guts and had nearly bled out twice because of it.  
Of course, the whole team wanted answers about Joe's stubborn decision, but they couldn't just leave him alone for a second.  
He had just woken up, for God's sake.  
"Let me get my damn sleep, Allen."  
"I'm just curious. Tell us."  
He didn't want to answer, at least not yet, but it seemed like he was a bit too high on pain meds to keep his mouth shut.  
"He's my partner."  
"Partner? Is he from Earth Two?"  
"He's my boyfriend, you idiot."


	10. A Different Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse takes care of Harry's boring CEO work on Earth-2.  
> She takes a break and goes through the belongings of her mother.  
> One letter peeks her interest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Next Generation

Jesse Quick had gotten that nickname for a reason.  
She was a smart, brilliant mind shining above, solving equations and problems in a flash.  
Yes, that indeed was a pun, I'm sorry.  
Anyways, she had always been the first to know about secrets, she could just look at someones face and see what was bugging them.  
Only a small crinkle near your eye could give you away if it was unusual deep that day.  
Nobody was safe.  
At three years old she managed to tell where the cookies were just by how Harry's eyelid had twitched so slightly.  
It was fascinating, yet, creepy to most people she met, so she had trained herself to keep her mouth shut even if she didn't think that was the right thing to do.  
She clearly remembered when her best friend at the time had talked about her boyfriend and had said how much she loved him, yet the corners of her lips hadn't risen that tiny bit like they should have had and her eyes hadn't gotten the happy shape they had supposed to get.  
Alina hadn't loved her boyfriend.  
And by the way she had worn that cold expression around him, Jesse had seen clearly that she had been cheating on that poor boy.  
What a pity, the young speedster still thought, Derek had given Alina everything only to get his heart broken in the end.  
The night she had found out she had hacked Ali's phone, copied the proof and had sent it to Derek anonymously, deleting any trace that could've led to her computer.  
Her friend had been confronted the next day and the fragile mask had been smashed to a thousand pieces, leaving good Der sad and broken.  
Jesse had cared for him in the aftermath of her destruction.  
Somehow she had been guilty too.  
For standing up for what she thought was right, she had accepted that her actions would hurt the innocent party.  
Her dad hadn't been able to give her much advice but that when she made a decision she would have to live with the consequences.  
There was no right way of doing things.  
Somehow there would be always something bad coming out of it too, the only thing that mattered was that you accepted this worse side of the coin and moved on, and that this was better than what would've happened if you decided differently.  
Sometimes though, sometimes her deduction skills were maybe nearly all good.  
For example when her dad had called, back in the days, and told her he'd come home late, then she had been able to tell wether he stayed at work for reasons of his liking or because someone else had screwed up.  
Everytime she had heard him being agitated, she had made sure to make him a nice dinner to come home to.  
She ignored her memory telling her she'd only done it because Harry would give her informations about his new projects the next morning.  
You could say it was impossible for her to not see the secret her father was hiding for decades now, yet she was blind to all the clues.

Central City, Earth Two.  
Half-past seven in the morning.  
The city was buzzing, cars stopping and accelerating, people chatting and laughing and cursing.  
The sky was dipped into colors of a stealy blue and a faint cold magenta, the sun just peaking over the horizon, not visible for the population of this metropole.  
Traffic slowly moving through the streets, like blood dripping down your veins, sometimes thinned out and fast, sometimes thick and slow.  
A steady rythm controlled downtown.  
It was the traffic lights, failed planning was the cause of them not turning green at the right time, and thus not letting the cars just pass through if they were fast enough.  
Like always, the traffic jam was there.  
If you were to go down the whole main street that split the city in half, you would approximatly stand at eighteen of twenty red lights, not counting that often you had to wait twice, due to the line being too long.  
S.T.A.R. Labs was the heart of Central City, powering every single lightbulb in every single building that stood on the ground of a ten-mile radius.  
Harry had once called it a cathedrale and Jesse had asked him for what gods it had been built.  
He had answered, the gods of electricity and gas.  
The Labs were the source of scientific knowledge, every science student had the big dream of once working there, and Jesse knew that her dad did everything he could so that everyone had the same chance of being taken.  
Often, the applicants would receive certain materials and were told to build a functioning machine with them; they were free to add any other material they had if they wanted to.  
A videocam would be in the package too, it was important to see every step of the process documentated.  
In the end, Harry did not just take those with the best product, but those who showed the most potential, and those who would fit in best.  
Right now, Jesse took on that task as good as she could while her dad was on Earth One.  
Everytime he was there for longer and didn't regularly check in with her, she'd get worried, and he told her time and time again that she shouldn't, that he was clearly old enough to look after himself.  
She knew better.  
But since she had her own work to do and couldn't just always go to another parallel universe, she needed to trust Team Flash to make sure her totally stubborn dad wouldn't get in too much trouble.  
Sometimes she thought all the multiple-hour long videos were tiring (though she was exaggerating, since an employee would cut them to a maximum thirty minute length), but she made it clear to herself over and over again that it was important work that had to be done.  
For the sake of science.  
Brilliant minds could be going to waste if someone didn't see them, so she sat through those videos and noted down what she liked and disliked, what was good and what could be done better.  
The last two days she had spent like that.  
With the metas sleeping she had faced the monstrous task and had not only sat in her office at S.T.A.R. Labs for hours, but had watched the applications at home too.  
Of course, Harry had a department that served this purpose, yet it didn't change the fact that the mighty Wells had told them to give him the hundred people with most potential to look at personally.  
So here she was, his daughter, trying not to curse her dad for all this work, for all the tears she shed because her eyes had gotten irritated over time from looking at that monitor for much too long.  
It was for a good cause, she reminded herself.  
Most applicants were young men and women, and sometimes, in a very sleepy moment, she found herself writing 'attractive' or 'damn hot' in the column for positive impressions.  
Even though she made sure to erase those comments, there was no one-hundred percent chance that there wasn't one little unprofessional word she had missed on all those papers.  
Jesse did not really care though, her father would probably just smirk and strike it through for the sake of neutral opinion.  
He had taught her that she could love whoever she wanted when she was old enough and that he didn't give a damn unless they hurt her, because then, he had told her, then he would show them what they deserved.  
Only for legal reasons it was that he wouldn't beat that person up, but rather destroy their entire future career.  
Jesse smiled at the thought and leaned back into her super comfy office chair, that she had only gotten because Harrison had been to annoyed by her constant high-pitched begging.  
Different to the past days she was now wide awake, thanks to a good rest and two strong coffee.  
It was still early, yet she was completely bored by all those videos and decided to take a break.  
One that she definitely deserved.  
The table had a glass top, Harry had insisted on it, because it was easier to clean and also because she wouldn't get a table that was as expensive as some of the employees' cars.  
She was glad that he had stopped her from becoming an egoistic, self-centered know-it-all.  
Many would probably add a 'like him', but the speedster knew him better than that.  
Sure, he could seem like an egoistic arse, yet only because nobody took the energy and time to look closer.  
Harrison Wells, super-dad.  
Witty, but caring and protective.  
On the left side of her minimalistic glass table was a picture frame, holding a photograph that was showing them all.  
Left, her dad, smiling widely and looking overly proud, right, her mother, a gaze so gentle and loving, directed at the little bundle she was holding in her arms, tiny Jesse.  
Everytime someone came into her office they would try and steal a short glance at the picture, unable to grasp the concept of a calm and not-always-grumpy Harry.

He wouldn't be home soon, she feared.  
Though she hoped he'd come over with Cisco sometime, like he really did once before, she couldn't count on that hope.  
A sigh came over her thin dry lips.  
Then, she left her office and turned to the left, to the only anti-see-through black door, her father's office.  
The dusty air that greeted her, when she walked in, was the proof that no-one had been in here for a long time.  
Usually all rooms were cleaned every day, but when someone left for longer than a week, the cleaning team was allowed to just clean it every now and then.  
Jesse had something against that policy, but her dad always said that he cherished any free minute he got, and that they couldn't even compare their amount of work to that of a cleaner.  
She didn't understand how anyone could think of him as bad.  
Yes, he liked to yell and throw things when something didn't work like it was supposed to, and yes he had high standards for everyone working at S.T.A.R., and yes, he also loved to snap at people.  
But he was the one who made sure everyone was given a chance, the one who made sure someone could take an extra day off if it was needed and the one who'd send a personal gift to anyone who had gotten a baby recently.  
And it didn't matter if it was the Professor in charge of three departments or if it was the janitor.  
He knew their names, and he would shake their hands and gratulate them.  
It didn't matter if his face looked totally unmoved through it all, like it always did, because he cared for all of them.  
Jesse walked across the room to the black shiny safe that was a solid part of the wall it had been put in.  
The code was easy for the young woman, she knew it by heart.  
Inside the safe were two seperate boxes.  
One for the work stuff and the other for personal things.  
She took the latter and set it on the floor before closing the door of the metallic beast again.  
It always hurt a little to see her mom's things, but she also found joy from learning things about her, since she only had few memories of her.  
Honestly, Jesse hadn't looked at her mother's belongings in quite some time, and she was sure that her dad had put new things in the box, so that his daughter could finally see them too.  
She wasn't mad at him for keeping stuff, she knew he had never really healed and this way she often had something new waiting for her to look in the box and find it.  
Both of her parents' wedding bands were in there.  
Harry had still worn his, day and night, feeling itchy and vulnerable without it.  
After visiting Earth One for the first time though, he had decided it would be even worse to lose it.  
So he left it there, locked away, everytime he hopped universes.  
His daughter sat there now, going through the full box with the curiosity of a newborn, finding a bunch of love letters at the bottom.  
They were the new addition to the collection.  
"Never seen you guys before.", she muttered, "And never knew dad could be romantic."  
She laughed as she opened and read one after another.  
The letters were sappy and dumb, and Jesse soon found out why the envelopes had no stamp or adress or anything on them.  
Her parents had left them there for each other when one of them had come home late, like a ritual, leaving something nice on the nightstand when the other just wanted to crawl into their bed after having had a hard day.  
It was too cute for Jesse to believe these letters were real.  
Hunched over she sat, and read some out loud even, feeling safe in the sound-proof room that she had locked from the inside.  
"I can't describe how relieved I still feel, how happy. You make me eternally blessed, and knowing that you love me regardless has just prooven, yet again, how absolutely incredible you are."  
Jesse stared at the paper blankly.  
"Regardless of what?", she asked, but there was nobody that could have answered.


	11. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe tries to get all the mess into control and talks to Cisco.  
> Harry and Alan are recovering and think about how they're going to spend the end of the year.  
> Harrison calls Jesse, wanting to take action before Barry would let something slip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme: Holidays/New Years

Harry's eyelids closed and he went back into a fevery sleep.  
Caitlin checked his vitals while Barry started to form words in his mouth.  
"So... he's gay?", was the conclusion he stuttered.  
The short silence in the room was unnerving.  
"Don't come to conclusions, Barry. He's on a bunch of painkillers, do you expect him to just casually talk to you?", Snow asked.  
"No, Caitlin, but he..."  
"Is as high as a kite and doesn't know what he's even talking about? Yes.", Cisco cut him off immediately.  
Joe and Cisco shared a glance, that went unnoticed by everyone except Caitlin.  
Both left the room.

Cisco Ramon felt even smaller than usual, standing in an abandoned office, Joe basically hovering over him.  
You could hear the wind howling outside, carrying the first leaves of fall.  
The inner turmoil that Cisco felt was gigantic, how could Harry ever forgive him?  
How could he even forgive himself?  
He had screwed up everything, everything and then even more.  
Ramon had wanted to make sure that Harry didn't feel that haunted by that dark looming shadow, that had been Fake-Wells, anymore.  
But in the end he had come back to judging the man by comparing him to Thawne.  
Yes, Harry had had his fair share of betraying the team, but in those situations, anyone of them would've done it.  
It was so easy to judge someone like that and he had given in.  
He had been supposed to put trust in Harry, - who had, despite of all their bickering, become one of his best friends - yet, he had not and thus, he broke Wells's trust in him too.  
"What exactly happened that night? I've heard Harrison's part of the story. I wanna hear yours."  
Pulled back into reality, Ramon felt a shiver run down his spine.  
Did Joe know?  
He had to, since he had been the one who had told Caitlin to bring that guy to S.T.A.R. Labs.  
West was gonna give him a talk, he could literally feel it in the air he breathed.  
Also, Joe gave him the dad-look, and that told him that he was just waiting to give Cisco his lesson.  
"Harry sneaked out a lot and made random phone calls and one time I followed him because I felt nervous about his behavior and I saw him meet with this man... and I thought that that supported my worry of him going behind our backs so I did it again and again.", the engineer tried to explain.  
"And then?", Joe urged him to continue.  
Cisco's arms itched, nervous goosebumps showed on his neck.  
"I didn't ever follow them or something so I never saw how they were interacting with one another..."  
"But then one day you decided to do it."  
"I just... I saw them in the park and Harry acted so much different... so I thought that maybe they knew each other better, maybe from Earth Two or something..."  
"Go on."  
"Uhm... I... I was curious so I guess I followed them and the blond guy dragged Harry into this gay bar and I was really confused but I went back to S.T.A.R. because I didn't wanna do more snooping."  
Cisco paused for a moment.  
"I went back in the late evening because I wanted to find out more, maybe through the bartender or something... they were still there... kissing and stuff."  
The engineer lowered his gaze in shame, concentrating on playing with his hands.  
Everything he had done was against everything that he valued.  
Trust, Privacy, just being a damn friend.  
In this moment, this mistake really sunk in, it poured down on him and filled his veins, flooded his heart, that shook and shivered and wept.  
Neither Cisco nor Joe could believe what he'd done.  
So many turning points were Ramon could have stopped, but he had gone further down the path of destruction.  
Now he had it, the glory of the aftermath.  
The guilt that nibbled on his skin, just waiting for the right moment to take a massive bite, to rip a chunk of flesh out of him and devour his heart.  
When Joe started speaking, his voice was soft but filled with an emotion he couldn't quite grasp.  
Was it sympathy?  
No, more like 'How do you manage to make such a big mistake? This is beyond me.'.  
"Cisco. What you've managed to do – I'm gonna be honest with you – is wrong on so many levels that I don't know how the hell you're gonna solve this. You..."  
"Screwed up big time."  
"Yeah."  
"What if he isn't gonna forgive me?", he asked.  
"I don't want you to be hurt but, if you ask me, you should not even expect him to forgive you. You can hope that he accepts your apology but I can't think of any way you could make this up for him."  
Silence crowded the room, leaving both men alone to think.  
Still howling, the wind pressed against the window glass.  
With a tiny sob, the young man spoke again.  
"He said - he said, in that moment, that if I didn't trust him, then I couldn't expect him to trust me. And he's right. How could I break his trust like that? How? He changed for the better! He learned from his mistakes! And now I - now I make mistakes, but unlike him, for no understandable reason."  
"I can't grasp it. You put your trust in him, you believed that he was good despite every odd! Yet, now you lose it, for such a small reason."  
Detective West only shook his head before giving Cisco a pat on the shoulder.  
"I hope you find a way to fix this, at least in a way that makes it possible for you two to work together."  
"Thank you, Joe.", Cisco said, and Joe left.  
When he heard the steps getting farer and farer away, he finally let the tears drop.

_"I was home so far away_   
_But despite the longing I chose to stay_   
_For family that had been lost and taken_   
_For friends needing me to aid them_   
_For one person that made my heart shaken."_

Alan was tired, his exhausted body kept his eyelids shut, all his energy had been drained.  
After all, this metahuman had done something with him that he couldn't quite grasp yet... she had used his body like a battery, pumping all of his being into her own organism to stay alive, to feed her powers.  
Confusingly, she didn't even have to touch him to be able to do that.  
Frightened, he remembered the sight of the other hostages that the meta had had when she had brought him into her hiding spot.  
They had been chained and gagged and their eyes had been empty, their lips pale blue, their skin just a thin membrane covering their bones.  
And in that moment he had thought that they had to be dead, and that he would end up dead too.  
He had a feeling that this had been what Harry had warned him about, this had been why Harry had thought it was best to break it off, because, as he realized now, his partner truly had a dangerous job.  
This was why Harrison didn't want him to ask questions.  
Neither about why he sometimes needed to leave suddenly nor where all of his bruises came from.  
Parker had ignored it.  
The thing he did was just accepting that Harry had things he didn't want to talk about and spoiling him with massages to get him to relax.  
Harrison had a round scar, right where his heart was, and Alan just knew that it was from a bullet.  
The scientist had more scars like that, and dozens of scars in other shapes, from what the architect could only guess were cuts and bites and surgery.  
Introvert and extrovert, that mixture was always quite interesting.  
His lover was one to hold grudges, he was not.  
Harry needed his space, Alan needed someone to hold him.  
Yet, he thought, Mr. Floofy-hair needed that occassional hug too.  
Sun fell on his eyelids, warmed his skin, he could feel that.  
That dark room, the chains cutting into his wrists, were in the past now, and the bed beneath his back let him know that he was safe, too.  
How did he end up here?  
When he had dialed the number on that napkin, it had just been a joke, a foolish thing to do.  
Now he was in a relationship with a fantastic guy.  
A bit distant and hurt and grumpy maybe, but that didn't drive him away, because all that counted was Harry when he smiled, Harry reading him one of his poems just to laugh and say that it was one of the worst, Harry helping him with his tie, despite the fact that he was able to do it himself.  
The beginning of fall made him already think about the holidays.  
Christmas he would have Harry with him, thanks to the fact that he celebrated on the twenty-fourth.  
On the day after, Wells would go and visit Jesse, who lived a bit away.  
He wondered wether Harrison even liked the holidays, remembering him speaking about how his wife had loved christmas, how she had loved to put the decoration up.  
Alan just wanted to make him feel comfortable and enjoy the festive days.  
Maybe, when they both would be better again, he could ask him.

Harrison Wells opened his eyes slowly, coming to consciousness after having drifted in and out of sleep.  
Alan had gotten hurt.  
Yes, he had said that he'd stay with him, but Harry had the feeling that the decision became more fatal with every second that passed.  
Parker was supposed to be safe.  
That amazing guy deserved a life without worrying if there would be a killer in his flat waiting for him, or if Harrison would return from that place he was called to so suddenly.  
On top of that, the team was probably waiting for an explanation.  
But Jesse, she needed to know first.  
He couldn't risk telling the team and then have Barry Allen being unable to shut his mouth fast enough when meeting his daughter during some meta chase or something.  
Oh, what he'd do just to get advise from his wife.  
She had always known what had to be done.  
You had always been able to put your trust in her.  
One afternoon, Alan had told him about all his ideas on what to do for christmas and Harry had just smiled.  
His biggest dream would be to celebrate with Alan, and Jesse, together, not on different days, on different worlds.  
Thinking about christmas always brought up the memory of Tess.  
She had been a sunshine.   
His sunshine.   
But every year, when christmas had come around and the colorful lights would play funny games on her skin, then her eyes would light up in a kind of happiness, that he had never seen on any other day.  
The only word that he was able to describe it with was 'christmas spirit'.  
After she had passed, he had tried to give Jesse the best celebration possible, but without her mother it just hadn't been the same.  
Alan reminded him often of her, in the way he acted and spoke.  
Harry had told him once and the architect had laughed, saying he had a type, before giving him a short kiss.  
The blond never seemed to be bothered by the fact that he spoke about her with him.  
Having Alan had helped him speaking about her, and he was planning on giving Jesse the best possible holidays this year.  
His head still felt a bit funny from the medication, but he could at least think clearly again - and he remembered what he had said previously.  
"Damnit.", he said.  
Someone of the team must've believed his high self, at least Allen would, he guessed.  
Sighing, he turned over, ignoring the pain in his side, and grabbed his phone.  
Months he had worked on it, until he was able to make calls across the multiverse without a three pound block of technology.  
The number he called was already saved.  
 _"Dad?"_  
"Hi Jesse.", he greeted his daughter.  
 _"Why are you - I mean how are you calling?"_  
"I just upgraded my phone."  
 _"That's fantastic! Then you can me call all the time and I don't need to always come over!"_  
She seemed so excited.  
It made him feel guilty about giving her new worries.  
"I'm calling because I... got hurt."  
 _"Dad! Why did nobody tell me? How are you? What happened?"_  
"I got stabbed. And then I ripped the wound open again. Snow gave me a lot of drugs, so I'm feeling better right now."  
 _"Why do I always feel like I need to babysit you?"_ ,   
she tried to laugh her worry off.  
Harry could still hear her shocked tears.  
"I don't know. Maybe because I'm a stubborn old man.", he said.  
 _"Stop! You're not old yet!"_ ,   
she giggled.  
"Yes I am!"  
 _"No, Dad."_  
"Look, how about you visit Earth One sometime, when I'm allowed to leave the medbay again, and we go have dinner?"  
 _"Big Belly Burger?"_  
"Yeah," he smiled, "if you want."  
 _"Alright! I gotta go. You call me again, okay? I need to know how you're doing. And when I'm gonna be able to get that Triple-Triple that I crave!"_  
"Bye, Jesse. Love you."  
 _"Love you!"_  
She hung up.  
"Hey! Our wounded soldier is awake!", he was greeted by Joe, who walked into the room.  
Harrison rolled his eyes and put his phone on the nightstand.  
"I talked to Cisco. And I think if you all, and that includes Alan, discuss this matter calmly, then I think you can solve this."  
When Harry stayed quiet, the Detective continued.  
"Look, I know Cisco screwed up. Very badly. But I think he's one of the guys who deserve a second chance. He gave you multiple chances, I think you somehow owe him just one more, Harrison."  
Even if Joe didn't really believe in second chances, thanks to his job, he sure knew these two guys could fix this and he knew he'd be damned if he didn't help Cisco.  
"I think we can sort this out. It will take time, but I think I will be able to forgive him. I have trust issues too, after all. Also, Alan would behead me if I didn't give Ramon a second chance."  
They laughed, and Joe realised how good Alan was for Harry.  
The grumpy Earth-Two-ler would've usually held a grudge against Cisco forever.  
Maybe, yeah, maybe that architect could even convince Wells to come to the Wests' christmas party this year.


	12. Nerd privilege

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two guys need to sort something out.

"Do you even know what you've done? You were invading my privacy by following me around. In simpler terms that's called stalking.", Harry spat.  
There was no way this would lead to any solution anymore.  
He had already forgotten who had started the fight, he just knew that they had been supposed to talk it out.  
"Well, it's clearly your own fault!", Cisco said.  
Ramon's forehead was sweaty, you could see how much he was thinking, trying to find a good argument.  
But he couldn't win this time, because Ramon knew himself that he was wrong.  
"How is it my own fault?", Harry asked.  
"If you wouldn't have been sneaking out like that, then I wouldn't have even got the idea that you've been working against us!", the engineer shouted, exasperated.  
Ramon was clearly losing.  
"If you cared to ask me why I was sneaking out instead of going total bonkers, yeah, then it wouldn't have come that far.", he answered.  
"Oh, so you think a bad guy wouldn't lie and honestly would just straight out tell me 'Oh yes, Cisco, I'm secretly meeting up with your enemy'."  
"That doesn't change the fact that really anyone would've thought I was seeing someone but you! No, you immediately thought I was some kind of Professor Quirrel from Harry Potter!", Wells yelled.  
He felt like he was seen as a joke, Ramon didn't seem like he was going to back down.  
"Hey! Only I'm allowed to make references here!", named man said.  
"No?"  
"Yes?"  
"You're clearly not the only one who has seen movies or read books, Ramon."  
This was ridiculous.  
This argument was going in the direction that was just totally absurd and they only continued to argue because nobody wanted to be the loser.  
"But it's my priviledge to make references, just like giving the metas names!", Ramon said.  
"It's my priviledge! Oh no, someone else knows Harry Potter too! How will I contribute to the team without having the nerd priviledge?"  
"That's... not... what I meant."  
"That's not what I meant!",  
Harry mimicked him.  
"Stop copying me, dickhead."  
"Stop copying me!"  
"You know what..."  
Glares were exchanged.  
Cisco left the room after his arguing hand fell back next to his side.  
"Didn't you tell Detective West that you'd give him a second chance and solve this in a calm discussion together with me?", Alan said, taking a sip from a glass of water.  
He had been watching the two of them.  
Harry just growled in response.  
"He was supposed to apologize to me.", Wells said.  
"And he would have, if you didn't suddenly start to insult him."  
"Maybe."  
Cisco Ramon had been in the wrong, but it was clearly his fault that the argument took place.  
"You would be the child to smack a smaller kid with your little sand shovel."  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Then beg.", he said to Harry.  
"You spend to much time on the internet."  
"You spend to much time arguing with your best friend about the nerd privilege."  
Harrison sighed.  
There was no possible argument that could beat that.  
"Ten points for Alan.", he said.  
"Yass, endlich!", Alan grinned triumphantly.  
They both counted points for good contering arguments they came up with.  
The architect had finally scored his first points.  
"Now go back to bed. If Snow finds out you've been walking around, she's gonna kill you. And I don't want you walking around like that either."  
Harrison was worried about Parker, he needed as much rest as possible, to be able to quickly get back on his feet again.  
"Promise me you will stay in your damn bed for once.", he heard the answer.  
"Only because I don't wanna have another near-death experience.", he grinned.  
"Fair enough. Good night, Harrison."  
"Night."  
The architect left, on his way to the other medbay.  
Caitlin had locked the cortex and various other rooms like the speed lab in case Parker would walk around, so the distance between the two medbays had quadrupled.  
Harry really found it unnecessary to have two, since you could practically just put another bed in the bigger one, but he didn't dare to say anything potentially annoying to Snow right now.  
He laid his head back on the pillow.  
There wasn't anyone here at the moment except him, Alan, and the really nerve-wrecking beeping of the heart monitor.  
Cisco had probably left right after the argument.

"Harrison Wells.", Joe woke him the next day.  
"What did you say to me yesterday?"  
Harry rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed huff.  
"That I'd give Ramon another chance.", he said.  
"Then why did you two fight?"  
"I don't know. Maybe because your precious Cisco Ramon thinks stalking your friends is the answer if you're having trust issues."  
His tone of voice was nothing but spite.  
It wasn't like Cisco to do something like this to him, at all, so he had a hard time understanding why the young man had betrayed him like that.  
And it was nearly impossible for Harry to think about forgiving Ramon, because what he'd done was a lot of damage, a whole lot of it.  
"Cisco is... you two need to both step it down a few notches and you need to get your issues together for once!"  
Joe wasn't his usual calm anymore, Harry was able to see that.  
West's posture was straight, his left hand was a fist, while his right index finger was raised up, clearly threatening Harry to get his shit together.  
And the finger shook, with every word he yelled at the scientist.  
The Detective clearly had had enough of their problems.  
Harrison understood that their fights were annoying.  
But how the hell did he expect Harry to just forgive Ramon without a thought, how could he think it was okay for Ramon to get away with hurting him in such a way?  
Because that was what he felt.  
Hurt.  
Ramon had proven to him that he shouldn't feel safe in any environment, that he did not deserve trust, that he always needed to be the bad guy.  
The vibester showed him that they were not friends.  
That Harry was just some guy who seemed to always go down the wrong path, because that was apparently just how he was.  
And sometimes Harrison Wells believed that, too.  
Some days he felt like all he did were mistakes, that he did not deserve the team, Alan, Jesse.  
He often thought he deserved to be punished by the universe for his wrongdoings, he often thought not a thousand right things could cover one of the wrongs.  
But that wasn't as bad as being supported in that opinion by someone you thought of as a friend, as family.  
Joe shook his head and ripped Harrison out of his train of thought.  
"I give up. Maybe Mr. Parker can get you to open your eyes, because if you and Cisco can't fix this, the whole team will break one day."  
Wells was quiet and West left.  
This conflict didn't need fixing, Ramon did.

Barry avoided him, only awkwardly stood in the door during noon, not knowing what to do or say.  
Harry was worried what would happen if he forgave Ramon, clearly Barry had questions burning on his tongue.  
But especially the question to why they were fighting.  
Caitlin checked his vitals and put new bandages on his wound, she also kept him updated on Alan, who seemed to be sleeping the whole day.  
Snow said it was the exhaustion.  
Harry was worried still.  
How long would it take for Parker to recover from the meta attack?  
Caitlin probably suspected that there was a truth to the things he had said when on painkillers, since she told him how Alan was doing, but, thank god, she had not yet asked about it.  
There were already enough things to worry about.  
Cecile showed up, too, to supply him with chocolate and to tell him to speak to Cisco.  
He didn't appreciate the latter.  
He didn't need everyone to tell him to talk to Ramon, he didn't want them to.  
Harry was tired of staying in bed, he needed to reposition himself every five minutes because it was just so uncomfortable to lay all day long.  
It was boring, too.  
His cell phone rang loudly.  
"Hey Dad, it's me, Jesse. I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm coming over right now. Just to check on you."  
"You don't need to come over, Jesse.", he said hastily.  
She always called in the most unconvenient moments to tell him she'd come around.  
There was no way he could keep this under control - Joe was annoyed, Cisco was annoying, Alan was at S.T.A.R. and the team had burning questions that demanded answers.  
"Do you wanna get rid of me?"  
"No, it's just...", Harry insisted.  
"Uh-oh. What's going on, Dad? Did the team kick you out or something?"  
"No. Nothing's going on, Jesse. It really is nothing."  
It really wasn't nothing.  
A sigh graced his lips after they had said goodbye and had hung up.  
There was no way he could deal with Ramon being sulky and ready to fight, with mad Joe, Caitlin fussing over his test results and checking his vitals one too many times, Barry about to burst with the knowledge of Harry's boyfriend, Alan being at hurt and his daughter visiting at the same time.

Alan entered the room.  
He looked tired and his arms hung loose at his sides, but his eyes shone warm and energetic.  
"What's wrong?", Alan asked softly upon seeing Harry's troubled expression.  
"I can't deal with all of this, I just can't. It's too much, Alan.", he said.  
Sometimes he wondered how Parker's eyes could hold so much emotion and how they could still look calming, even when they lit up in frustration or grief.  
Right now, Alan looked at him with empathy, acknowledgement, understanding and love, so much love.  
"How will I be able to forgive him?"  
"You don't need to forgive him, Harry. That isn't what it's about. Sometimes you can't always fix something that's broken, sometimes you gotta start all over again and leave the burden behind, for the sake of being able to go forward again."  
"What do you mean?"  
"If you both can't let go of this, you will break apart, you will keep hurting and hating each other. You don't need to forget or forgive. You need to start again, build trust in each other. You two need to go back to being just colleagues for a while, and then progress from there."  
"That's good. That's really good. Thank you."  
"It's gonna be alright, Harrison. You and Cisco can do it. I've heard you managed to trust each other again many times already, you can do it again and learn from each other's mistakes. That's what friends do."  
They smiled at each other.  
Maybe they could figure this out after all.

"Hey, Dad. I just arrived!", Jesse exclaimed loudly and euphoric upon entering the med bay.  
Alan was sitting in a chair on the other end of the room, one leg down, one draped over the arm rest.  
Harry's daughter studied the architect, who was reading a newspaper and who, for once, wore something else than a suit.  
The white t-shirt fit Parker's body snugly, the black sweat pants looked wide and comfortable.  
Alan's feet were bare.  
Wells didn't like that, Alan could easily catch a cold with his immune system being so weak right now.  
"You must be Jesse Quick.", Parker said and smiled at her politely, before putting the newspaper away and getting on his feet.  
"Yes. And you are?"  
"A friend. One that needs to leave now.", he answered, smiled again, and made an exit.  
Harry put on an innocent face when Jesse turned to him with an expectant look.  
A strand of hair had fallen in her face, but it didn't seem to bother her at all.  
He wondered why she had chosen to visit today, since they had already talked about her next visit.  
"Why did you decide to come today?", he voiced his confusion.  
"I was worried and needed to see how you were doing, Dad. You can't just always risk your life like that!", she said, exasperated.  
"It's my job."  
"No, it isn't, Dad. Your job is to come up with crazy brilliant ideas, not to run around with a stab wound just because you heard someone's in danger. I'd rather you would to stay out of trouble."  
"I would like that from you too, but it seems lile we can't always get what we want, huh?"  
She laughed and smacked his arm.  
"What was that for?"  
"For being such a stubborn old man.", she said.  
"Didn't I say that when we talked last time? You really see me like you want to just to get your way, don't you?"  
Jesse gave a considerate hum before answering "Maybe.".  
They spend two hours laughing and catching up, then Caitlin showed up.  
"I'm just gonna check your vitals.", she said and Harry groaned.  
"That is totally unnecessarry, Snow.", he said.  
"It's not!", Jesse said.  
When Snow cleaned his wound, Harry didn't want Jesse to see, but she did.  
And his daughter got even more worried than she had already been, and Harry certainly didn't like that.  
He was okay, the wound had already begun to heal, even though you obviously couldn't see anything of that yet.  
Nothing to worry about, he had survived worse.

After a while, he managed to convince Jesse that he wasn't in pain and needed rest and that she could leave and not need to worry about her old father.  
The silence was calming, the faint sound of the wind outside washed all of his turbulent thoughts away, taking all of his troubles, worries, pain and sorrow.  
It left him empty, but it was a good kind of empty.  
His mind was free of everything.  
He took a thought and worked with it.  
What he really needed to do was to sort this out with Ramon, there was no way around it, it was like a wound, fresh, open, raw, not getting tended to.  
If he didn't talk to Cisco, it would always be there and with time it would get infected and deadly.  
No way he could let this happen.  
Their friendship would survive this, it needed to.  
Harry knew, it would take time until he could forgive, but first, they needed to talk this out.

While Harrison was occupied thinking about fixing things, Cisco Ramon sat in his workshop and relentlessly tried making a tiny solder point on the intestines of a new device.  
He failed over and over again, there was just too much going on in his head.  
Cisco felt angry, he had tried telling himself he was angry at Harry for starting the fight, for being such a stubborn dick, yet, in the end he was just angry at himself.  
In the end, he was the one who had lost control, who had acted foolishly and selfish.  
Shocked was what Cisco had felt when he had realized what he'd done, because he didn't act like this, how could he?  
He was the one who gave people chances no matter what others thought of them, he was the one who forgave people easily, he was the one who always saw the good in everyone, right?  
He was the one who didn't hesitate giving anyone a second, third, fourth chance, no matter how much they had hurt him, he was the one who left all the shit behind, right?  
Ramon didn't recognize himself anymore, he wasn't supposed to break somebody's trust, to go behind their back like this, to destroy friendships, to let an irrational fear take control of him.  
The solder dropped from the soldering iron onto his hand, burning his skin.  
Cisco hissed in pain and rushed to the industrial sink to cool the burn.  
A knock on the doorframe told him that someone was coming in.  
It was Caitlin.  
She looked worried about his little burn, but stopped looking at it when he asked her what she wanted from him.  
"Cisco, I don't know why you and Harry are fighting, so I can't understand, but are you alright?", she asked.  
The engineer shook his head.  
"I'm not. But I can't talk about it, okay?"  
"Okay.", the doctor answered and silently walked up to him, to hug him.  
Cisco held the paper towel tighter in his fist as he leaned into the embrace.  
"Caitlin. I screwed up, I screwed up so bad.", he sobbed into her ear.  
"Sshh, Cisco. It'll be okay. It'll be okay. You can fix this, just like all of the gadgets that Barry likes to trash.", Snow said.  
Cisco giggled through his tears.  
"With solder and cabels?"  
"Yeah, yeah, sure.", Caitlin laughed, too.  
Ramon broke away from the hug and wiped his tears away, smiling lightly.  
"Thanks, Caity, I needed that.", he said.

With Alan present, who was sitting in the corner silently, Cisco and Harry sat down at the table.  
Wells realised that Parker had moved everything throwable five feet away.  
"So... uhm.", Ramon said, scratching his ear.  
"Go on."  
"I am sorry for everything I did. I invaded your privacy and broke your trust and I should've asked you about it first. You know, at first I actually thought that you could have been seeing somebody but when I saw Alan I... well, I thought you were straight."  
"Surprise.", Harry said.  
"I realized how wrong it was to let such a little irrational thought take control of me that way, that wasn't anything like me. I hope we can still work together. I know you can't forgive me, - I can't even forgive myself - it's just, uhm..."  
"Leave all the crap behind. Let's try starting over.", he roughly repeated what Alan had told him.  
Cisco looked up at him, surprised.  
"Do you really-? I mean, yeah, yeah, let's do that. Also, you can make Harry Potter references, I guess."  
Harry couldn't hold himself back from grinning.  
"There's no such thing as the nerd privilege anyway."  
The awkward handshake made it official.  
Argument over.  
Harry thought, that had been easier than expected.


	13. Old Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a man Harry wanted to shield his daughter from - when Jesse meets this man, she finds out why.
> 
> Warning: very cheesy end, don't judge

The wind was howling, like a lone wolf crying its desperate cry for company.  
Harry felt this way.  
He felt lonely and lost, like nobody could help solve his problems.  
All of this was just too overwhelming.  
Leaves flew past the window, the wind playing with them like a joyful child.  
When Jesse was little, she would jump into the huge piles of leaves in the park, she never cared for him telling her not to – that somebody had worked hard to make this pile.  
Back then, everything had been alright.  
Tess had still been there, smiling and laughing when their daughter had showered them in the decaying plant parts.  
It was never much, her hands had been so small, little Jesse Quick had just learned how to walk.  
Harry remembered one of the leaves – a yellow and orange maple leaf – that his wife had kept and put in the photo album.  
Oh, Tess would be angry at him for not continuing it after her death, but after she had passed, times had not been that happy anymore.  
The pictures of the following years had just been stacked into cardboard boxes, put away, so as not to remind him of the person that was missing from them, so as not to make him see his infinite grief.  
These photos looked so empty without Tess – all of Jesse's birthdays, when she posed with only one parent at her side, when both of their smiles had only been half as big.  
"Hey, this is Jesse's phone, please leave a message after the beep-"  
If only she could be here right now, if only she could help him.  
But she didn't know, he was just to scared to tell her.  
He had told her mother and it hadn't been any issue – but too many people were like his parents, maybe society had influenced Jesse so much that she would hate and despise him the second he spoke the words.

When he turned back from the window to his computer, the draft of an email sat there, open and laughing at his distress.  
It was the annual mail to his mother, whom he hated just not as much as his father.  
As always, it was a vague boring telling of what was going on in his life.  
Never had the message cracked the highscore of ten sentences, there was just nothing he wanted his parents to know.  
Back then it had been either a life in pain with no second chance of escape, or a life with freedom but without his parents.  
He hadn't really had a choice and he had never regretted the decision he had made.  
He had never loved them enough to think about this twice, nor to truly tell them about this life he had now.  
His mother had never been a real bad person, yet not doing anything against his father was not much better.  
So his yearly email was just something along the lines "Jesse is doing great in college. Jesse has many friends. The company is going good.".  
Harrison Wells regretted every one of these emails, but he still wrote them.  
It was a mystery what drove him to do it every time, since he thought he was truly over loving either of his parents – maybe he felt pity for his mother.  
The woman not only had an awful husband but had also lost her son due to him and had never gotten to meet her daughter in law or her granddaughter.  
He couldn't care less, yet here he was, giving a shit about her.  
Harry closed the laptop.  
The team constantly gave him looks – looks that asked him questions that he did not want to answer.  
At least Alan was back on his feet again, out of S.T.A.R. and working like normal.  
His own wound was slowly closing up, so he had been given the consent of Doctor Snow to leave the bed and do some work that didn't require any physical activity.  
The phone buzzed with an incoming call.

"Hey, Jesse.", he answered it, immediately getting a slight smile on his face.  
"Hey Dad. I wanted to talk to you about something."  
He took a deep breath as his heart beat sped up.  
Did she somehow find out?  
Was she going to tell him that she didn't accept him?  
"Why haven't you ever told me that Grandma lives in Central City?"  
Okay, this was even worse, he thought.  
It had been clear to him that one day she would search for her grandparents, but he had kind of hoped that he could have explained to her why he had cut the cords with his parents first.  
"Grandma? You call her Grandma?", he coughed.  
"What else would I call her? She's the sweetest, and Grandpa is, too. I don't understand why you never let me see them."  
A hint of anger was audible in her voice, a dash of disappointment.  
This wasn't what he wanted, this was wrong, his father was involved.  
They were in danger, Jesse was.  
"I don't care what you think of me, Jesse. But I forbid you to ever meet them again.", he said.  
"What? Why? It's not like they're serial killers or something. You can't forbid me to meet them, I have a right to see my grandparents after you thought I could grow up without them!"  
"It's for your own safety.", he desperately tried to convince her to listen, but without any success.  
"I can't believe this.", she said and hung up without mercy.  
He slapped the mobile phone on the desk.  
So hard that Joe, who had been napping in another chair to escape little screaming Jenna at home, woke up at once.  
"What happened?", the Detective asked detectively.  
"Jesse met my parents.", he said.  
He covered his mouth with his left hand and stared at a spot on the wall, not knowing what to do now – how could he know?  
Joe raised an eyebrow.  
"And what's so bad about that?"  
"I never told her why I left my childhood home."  
Silence fell for a second.

Harry needed to leave, go to Earth Two as soon as he could, he needed to stop Jesse from making a foolish decision that was his fault.  
"Do you mind me asking what that reason was?"  
West had that empathic look that Harrison hated.  
He didn't need pity, he didn't need empathy.  
Everything that was in the past, was past, and even though Harry was not good at leaving things behind, he didn't feel like he needed the pity of others when the thing that happened, had happened so long ago.  
"My father was abusive. And he was not too thrilled about finding out I was in love with another man."  
Harry had never told somebody before, other than Tess, of course.  
It wasn't something he wanted to talk about.  
"I am sorry, Harrison."  
Harry stared blankly and it was silent again.  
Joe's forehead showed thinking frinkles, so deep that Wells knew he was thinking of something to help him.  
How could he stop Jesse from visiting her grandparents?  
She most likely went to meet them directly after the call, just because she wanted to do what he didn't want her to do.  
Which was understandable, he would've done the same.

"Cisco.", Joe said.  
The scientist got yanked out off his train of thought.  
"What?"  
"Grab your jacket. We'll breach to Earth Two immediately."  
And so they jumped up from their seats.  
When Harry wanted to grab his pulse rifle on the way to the breach room, where Cisco was supposed to be training, West just said that he had his gun with him.  
What a pity, Harrison thought, he would've really loved to hold such a big gun into the face of his father.  
It turned out that Ramon thought training meant eating a bunch of candy while dancing and lipsyncing to (most likely) awful music over his headphones.  
Candy wrappers covered the floor around the breacher, just like the leaves had covered the grass in the park.  
And Cisco danced, with his eyes closed.  
The dancing was horrible and involved a lot of invisible drumsticks, but there was something so free and light-hearted about it, something that reminded Harry so much of the afternoons in the park, back when Jesse was little.  
Harrison missed these times, when he hadn't had many worries, when he had been able to let go, and he had experienced this feeling again when he and Alan had just started dating.  
But now, now Alan had gotten hurt, he had gotten hurt, he owed the team an explanation and his conceivers where there to claim his daughter as theirs.  
They would try to distance his daughter from him, he just knew it, and they had clearly scored their first point already.  
He didn't want Jesse to get hurt, to get rejected by people she was growing close to.  
Harry was worried most because what if Jesse told them about some girl she liked?  
She had dated girls before, and he didn't want her to get crushed by getting the same reaction from his father that he had gotten.  
No, he would not let him hurt his little girl, he'd stop Jesse in time and tell her about everything, just everything.

It was still summer on Earth Two, but a cool refreshing breeze made the heat comfortable.  
People stared at her.  
The girl had puffy red eyes and sniffed pitifully as she wiped her angry tears away and she walked down the busy shopping street.  
She held her head high and her back was straight, a sense of rebellion seemed to ooze from her aura.  
Crowds walked in the opposite direction, but parted to let the young woman, with the confident stride, through.  
Jesse didn't want to run, she felt like she couldn't run it off, it felt too easy to run.  
Feeling the soles of her sneakers slap on the ground, feeling her heels digging into it hard with every angry step she took, that was what calmed her down.  
Putting all her force into her stomping steps felt better than the ground basically flying past, feeling the concrete beneath her feet grounded her.  
Why was her dad so selfish?  
Why had he felt the need to deprive her of her grandparents?  
Why had he felt the need to take such an important part of her childhood away?  
'It's for your safety.'  
Phew.  
As if.  
That was just his all-time favorite excuse for when he wanted her to follow his words like some slave.  
But she wasn't.  
She was her own person, she didn't care for her dad's advice, it was made up rubbish.  
Bet he only moved out his parent's house because he couldn't deal with someone giving him rules, Jesse thought.

She stopped walking when she arrived in the suburbs of Central City.  
Somewhere here was her destination, her grandpaarents' house, but she needed to find the address.  
A look on her phone told her that Marcus still hadn't texted her back.  
Not very surprising, Mar was at work right now.  
Jesse looked around.  
The trees were whispering secret messages in the wind, their branches shook and shivered in the gusts of wind.  
It was like the breeze combed the trees' wild hair.  
Smiling, she began her search.  
Maybe if her dad didn't want to tell answer her questions about her mom, maybe her grandparents could answer them.  
Sometimes she felt alone, not having any other family members but her dad.  
Sure, she had people, friends, she could talk to, but she felt like it was a different bond you had with relatives.  
Her dad wasn't much of a talker, and while Jesse could understand that he had his reasons, she needed to talk about her mother, she couldn't get any answers from a tombstone.  
Everytime she tried talking to her dad, he closed up to protect himself, to keep the facade up, but she knew he was breaking inside.  
And so she stopped trying to get information from him.  
In the last few months, Jesse had felt a change in him.  
Most likely it didn't mean anything, but his voice didn't have this heaviness anymore, his face seemed brighter sometimes.  
At the same time he had become more distant though.

There it was, the house of her grandparents.  
She walked through the gate, crossed the distance to the door, went up a few stairs.  
Big was the house, intimidating was the heavy wooden door she stood in front of, yet she ignored the aura this place sent out, maybe she was blind to it.  
Resting for a short moment, she took a deep breath, fixed her messy hair and then pressed the button of the doorbell.  
The little arble angel on the porch smiled up to her.  
A beautiful melody sang her a little song and not much later the heavy door was pulled open, revealing her grandma.  
They exchanged big grins and Jesse looked at the lady, memorized every detail of her.  
Jesse could look her in her blue eyes, they were both the same height, and even though the woman's hair was grey and thin, and even though her smile was framed by wrinkles, her grandmother stood upright, as if her bones hadn't aged with her.  
"Come in, darling. I didn't expect you.", she smiled at her granddaughter and let her in.  
"I had a fight with Dad, that's why I'm here.", Jesse said.  
"What did you fight about? You need to know, he probably just wants the best for you.", her grandma said in her soothing calm voice and pushed her glasses back up her nose.  
Her grandchild could only roll her eyes though.  
"That's what he says.", she huffed.  
"What did you fight about, Dear?"  
The speedster was led to the dining room, that had a long, long table and looked rather dull and dark.  
"About me seeing you two. He forbid me.", Jesse answered quickly.

Fidgeting with an empty glass, her grandma looked a bit to the ground, her smile fading.  
When she turned a bit away from Jesse, she answered.  
"I can understand why he wouldn't want you to. Don't be angry at him about it."  
Jesse was taken aback.  
What must've happened when her dad had been young, that her grandma could understand his overprotective rules, that never seemed to have any logical reason?  
Why did Grandma look so sad, why was her smile so bitter, thinking about what Jesse had said?  
"You should talk to Harrison, your dad, maybe he'll think about it again. I don't want you two to fight. He can be stubborn, but you seem to be just like him in that sense."  
The old woman smirked at her, wit glistening in her eyes.  
Stuttering, Jesse tried to defend herself, but realized she only supported her grandmother's point in that.  
"Is Grandpa home?", she asked, looking around and taking everything in, since this was her first time being here.  
"Yes, he'll come downstairs in a minute. We'll have tea. Why don't you take a seat, Darling?"  
And so the young adult sat down at the table, on the second chair on the side where she stood.  
The chair's cushion was soft, but what she noticed when she absently felt the wood on the underside of the table with her hands, were the nail marks ingrained in the wood.  
Who had sat here?

Fast, she put on the facading smile again and pretended that nothing had happened when her grandma entered the room again, this time with a tray loaden with cookies, cake and tea.  
Behind her, her husband entered, and the similarities with Jesse's dad were uncanny.  
When both of them sat down, her grandmother sat down on her right, while her grandpa was sitting across from them, on the other side of the table.  
"You look beautiful, Darling.", her grandma said.  
"Must have gotten that from her mother.", her grandpa said in response, speaking in his rough voice.  
Jesse chewed on a cookie in silence while her grandparents continued discussing.  
"Don't be so hard on your son. After all, he looks just like you.", the woman said.  
Jesse's grandfather laughed dryly.  
"I wouldn't call that disappointment my son."  
The cookie got stuck in Jesse's throat.  
She gagged and coughed.  
Why did her grandpa hate her dad?  
What had Dad done, that had made his father this angry?  
"If he isn't yours, he is mine. You cannot take him from me.", her grandmother said.  
"I don't understand how you can still hold onto him, despite everything he's done.", her grandfather spat at his own wife, "Just because he sends you some lousy emails occassionally when he can get off his high horse for a second."  
His wife sighed in defeat and, for Jesse, it felt like this just hadn't been the first time for her to back down in an argument with him.  
Her grandmother asked her if she was seeing anyone.  
"Uhm. Yes, yes. Marcus.", the granddaughter said hastily.  
"Marcus, huh? Sounds like a fine gentleman.", her grandfather commented.  
Jesse hesitated.  
"Uhm, I know it might be a bit confusing with the name. Marcus is non-binary. They use they/them pronouns.", she said confidentally, smiling at the thought of them.  
Mar was, who Jesse would call 'the best thing that had ever happened to her'.  
They were patient and understanding, they didn't rush anything and were the balancing calm when she was overly energetic again.  
What Jesse was concerned about, was the moment she'd bring them home to meet her dad, since he loved to play 'good cop, bad cop' but without the good cop.  
He'd interrogate everyone she'd bring home, no matter who.  
And when they'd go to her room, her door needed to be wide open, so that Harry could keep them in sight, this overprotective owl.  
Silence fell, when her grandfather slowly wiped his mouth with a napkin, before getting up.  
His breath seemed heavier, louder, and he leaned on the back of the chair.  
It made the little hairs on her arms peak up.  
Something was clearly going wrong, fatally wrong.  
"You know what?", he hissed and Jesse felt herself digging her nails into the chair.  
She was afraid of this man, her grandfather, so suddenly.  
And she was frozen in shock, unable to move, despite being a speedster.  
"Things like that don't exist. Your little boyfriend has been brainwashed, and you're not much better, being with him."  
His eyes were filled with burning rage, a vein on his neck pulsated.  
How absurd, his arguments.

How could this kind, sweet man turn into a fire-breathing dragon as soon as she kind of mentioned that she dated someone who wasn't a guy?  
This was her grandfather, and while she certainly knew there were more biased opinions among older generations, she hadn't expected him to be that way.  
Jesse tried to make herself small, only saw in her peripheral vision how her grandma was doing the same, but while also covering her eyes.  
"Jesse? Jesse!", she heard her name being shouted by the voice of her dad, and she had never been happier to see him.  
He stood there, behind her now, side by side with Joe West, who had his hand on his gun already.  
"Ah! My former heir! Seems like you already have a few grey hairs... at your age...", her grandfather hollered, despite the pure anger of her dad, that filled the room.  
"At least I didn't get them in my early thirties, like you did.", Harrison said, barely able to contain himself.  
His hands were fists and they were shaking ever so slightly with the anger that radiated from him, the vein on his temple popped out.  
"Seems like you finally learned how to speak. Well, I think you'll be happy to hear that your misformed child is just as sick and disgusting as you are. It shouldn't have surprised me, since her mother wasn't that smart either, taking somebody like you as her husband."

"Don't talk about my family in that tone.", Harry warned.  
She had never seen him this angry, this pure furious nature burning in his eyes, ready to destroy anything in its path.  
There was more to this than just her dating Marcus, but how could her dad be 'just like her', how did this translate to him?  
Her nails were deeply notched into the chair's wood.  
In this moment, she remembered the note he had written her mother once.  
'...knowing that you love me regardless...', Jesse recalled the words and an idea formed in her head.  
Could he be...?  
No, it couldn't be.  
Or could it?  
"I think we'll leave now. Jesse, Harrison.", Joe called them, trying to end the conflict, but Jesse's dad didn't immediately follow them.  
The Detective gently pushed her along the corridor, and while they were walking she spotted a family portrait, that only filled half of the picture frame, leading her to believe that her father had been cut out of the photo.  
She swallowed hard.  
This wasn't what she had wished, this wasn't what she had expected when she had started to search for her grandparents.  
She wondered how people could be so ignorant, where did all this ignorance come from?  
They were all humans, they were all equal and all worth the same.  
There was no answer she could find - hate was just an irrational thing.

As they were nearly out the door, they heard a faint sound of someone in pain.  
It made the young woman flinch in surprise, she just couldn't take it when other people got hurt near her and she wasn't able to do anything.  
For a moment she feared that her dad had been the one who had screamed out, but he appeared behind them a few seconds later, panting.  
He looked a bit bewildered, as if he couldn't believe whatever had happened had just happened.  
"What did you do?", Joe asked, seeing on Harrison's bloody hand, that he held a bit closer to his body, as not to hurt his bruised knuckles more.  
"I broke his nose, that's what I did.", he answered, "I can't bear him calling me or my daughter sick or disgusting."  
So much dispise was audible in that sentence, he didn't regret breaking his own father's nose, and Jesse understood him.  
"Why did he call you that though?", Jesse asked, despite having a theory.  
He didn't answer her right away.  
It seemed like it was hard for him.  
Nobody could blame him, Jesse thought, with a father like that, he probably must've had a hard enough time accepting himself.

"Because I like men and women.", he said, for the first time in his life.  
And they were walking, back downtown, Joe by their side, only mildly affected by this emotional moment (Jesse knew damn well that it was just a facade).  
"Thank you for telling me, Dad.", she fondly smiled up at him and he managed to smile back.  
"Next time I'll ask you why you don't want me to meet your parents.", she grinned.  
"Didn't know I had more than those two.", he said before returning the grin.  
One of her shoes slightly dragged on the ground when she took the next step, making a scraping noise and telling her to lift her feet properly off the ground while walking.  
"Dad, why didn't you tell me sooner? You knew that I haven't only dated guys."  
"I don't know. Somehow I must've thought you could still not accept me.", he said.  
For a while, there was no talking and they walked block by block in silence as the birds screeched their melodies above them.  
They were still in the suburbs with the little houses where everyone had their own garden and car and some even had pools.  
The sun was burning their foreheads and Jesse regretted not having put any sunscreen on today.  
Her dad and Joe had obviously breached over as fast as they had been able to, but she knew that she would have had the time to protect herself from the sun beforehand.  
Oh, she could already feel the sunburn starting to form.  
In unison, two phones started ringing in their group of three and Jesse and Harry both fished the devices out of their pockets.  
"That's Marcus.", Jesse said, then expectantly looking at her father.  
He looked down at his phone, before smiling.  
"That's Alan."


	14. Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has always broken promises, until now.  
> Feat. Harry feels like he's not worth enough and is scared for his relationship

He had made this promise over and over again to his daughter.  
She had made him do it, every time she had called him overprotective and annoying and whatnot.  
Probably rightfully so, even Harry could see that now, but he had still broken that promise over and over again, no matter how much she had yelled at him, no matter how long she had ignored him or even how long he had eaten alone because she had taken her food to her room.  
"Harrison.", Alan turned Wells‘s attention away from the colorful screen that cast shadows on his face.  
How come that this blond and unbelievably attractive man seemed to always know what the scientist was doing?  
Sometimes it annoyed Harry, but once he calmed down he was always glad that Alan had two braincells more than him, or so it seemed.  
Of course he would never admit that out loud.  
Suddenly the architect walked across the room and slammed his laptop shut, making Wells flinch.  
A strong aura of utter disappointment surrounded his partner.  
"You promised."  
"I promised nothing.", Harrison Wells defended himself automatically.  
They both looked at each other with their arms crossed in front their chests and narrowed green eyes looked straight into Harry‘s head, knowing exactly what he had done.  
"You know damn well that you promised Jesse not to stalk her or the person she‘s dating. And I‘m gonna make sure that you will for once keep a promise, because, honestly, I‘m the only one holding you back from making dumb decisions.", Alan said.  
Parker was right, of course, but nonetheless, he had to say something.  
"You‘re the reason I‘m making some of my dumb decisions."  
He said it and he regretted it.  
Why did he always need to say such harmful words?  
"You stop right there, Mister. It‘s not my fault you turn into a fool because you‘re head over heels in love with me."  
"You‘re right, I‘m sorry.", he apologized quietly, getting up from his chair.  
There was silence as he embraced Alan, but Alan hugged back and told him it was fine, that everything was good, that he understood.  
He didn‘t deserve this kind soul to stay by his side, a bitter old man that had nothing to give but his ugly problematic behavior and bitter personality.  
How could this man look at him with so much understanding when Harry pushed him away or gave him the fault for things he had done himself?  
How?

The wind carried leaves by, some of them landed on the balcony of Alan‘s apartment and stayed there.  
Slowly, the weather became worse and colder.  
Autumn had arrived fully now and it was raining every other day, making everyone‘s life miserable because the strong wind made it impossible to use an umbrella.  
Harry had always hated when this season had turned more towards winter.  
At first, the falling leaves and low golden sun were something beautifully romantic, but eventually that faded, the trees were naked wood and the ground was covered in water where water should not be.  
Alan loved it, just like Tess.  
He said the weather was the perfect excuse to stay inside, turn up the heater and get cozy with blankets, a book and a hot coffee.  
Harrison Wells didn‘t understand, the rain always killed the one percent of his good mood that possibly existed.  
The smell of fresh coffee interrupted his train of thought and before he could look up, Alan already stood in front of him, handing him a fresh hot cup of the delicious legal drug named caffein.  
"You really called Jesse and told her about… us?", Alan asked, sitting across from his partner now.  
Harry sipped from his coffee.  
"Yes, why?"  
"I just thought that maybe we could visit her and you could introduce me to her. Like a real introduction, not like in the medbay.", Parker said.  
"Yes, yes, that sounds like a good idea.", he said without looking at Alan.  
It was clear that telling the architect everything was long overdue, but he was gravely worried that Alan might not understand, or might leave him for all the lies he had told him to keep the team secret.  
But for now he just wanted to sit in his love‘s flat and enjoy a hot beverage while warm green eyes looked at him adoringly.

He couldn‘t come up with a good plan of explaining everything to Parker without him being amazingly overwhelmed due to all the truths he would be told.  
Just imagine your boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, soulmate, whatever telling you their daughter really lives in another universe where everything is different, and that they‘re not that guy‘s cousin with surprisingly the same name but the doppelgänger from a parallel dimension of the guy he stole the identity of and that really they‘re working with a metahuman superhero.  
That‘s a lot, right?  
Well, this was all something Harry had to tell Alan.  
Maybe he could sit him down and just tell him everything, yet he was sure Alan would think Harrison‘s pain killers had side effects and that he was making up shit.  
Or maybe just breach him over to Earth Two?  
No, that would be too much to handle.  
Finally, the best possible plan popped into his mind.  
He would just go with Alan to S.T.A.R. Labs, walk in at the right moment and surprise the team.  
They would get to experience his ‘coming out‘, he would totally piss off Barry because a stranger saw their secret base and Alan would get the explanation he needed.  
Yes, this is how he would do it.

A loud thud got him to look up.  
Alan had let himself fall on the couch like a bag of flour and how he looked up at Harry with his messy hair and exclaimed that Harrison Wells was a boring man who didn‘t entertain him in any way.  
"Your neatly ironed shirt is wrinkled now.", he said, placing his mug on the couch table.  
"I don‘t care. It‘s been half an hour since we talked and you started staring off into space like you‘re some extraterrestrial waiting for news from his homeplanet.", the blond said, muffled by the cushion his face was pressed into.  
How true the part with the extraterrestrial was, Harry smiled.  
"Most of the time you act like a proper adult but when I don‘t give you attention for a moment you turn into a big whiny baby.", Wells said.  
"Not true."  
When Alan sat up again and straightened his poor wrinkled shirt he admit that it may be a bit true after all.  
"How come you‘re so childish, you and I are both well past forty, Alan."  
"You are at least as much of a baby as I am the way you get grumpy over everything."  
Alan laid his head on Harry‘s shoulder, pressing a chaste kiss to the scientist‘s cheek.  
Harrison then let his head sink on Alan‘s and laid an arm around him.  
"I don‘t get grumpy.", he said and Parker just laughed.  
In this position they could have stayed forever, but, of course, Parker had to go and get some of his work done, leaving Wells alone in the now too silent apartment.  
A text forced him on his feet and out the door too, because Ramon wanted him to ‘get his ass over to S.T.A.R.‘.

"What is it now, Ramon?", Harry said while stomping into the lab.  
It clearly smelled like plastic had been burning, and sure enough, he spotted something on a workbench that looked like an exploded soldering iron.  
He wouldn‘t get that stinging sensation out of his nose for days, he already knew.  
Expecting for Cisco to say something, he looked at the overly energized engineer with a raised eyebrow.  
"Yeah… that was your soldering iron, I‘m sorry, but I didn‘t call you here because of that.", Ramon said, a lollipop in his mouth like something didn‘t just explode.  
"Ramon, soldering irons don‘t explode.", he said.  
"Yours did."  
A death glare of the mighty Harrison Wells let the cheeky smile of Ramon vanish.  
"Okay okay I called you because you were supposed to be here an hour ago so we could build Mjölnir."  
Wells sighed internally.  
A meta had shown up who could control lightning but could only recharge by absorbing small bolts of lightning.  
She had ended up killing multiple people when she robbed a bank and somehow she had escaped Barry.  
Harry and Cisco had the theory that a lot of concentrated lightning could overcharge Miss Thunder (Iris had come up with that name) and knock her out for a while.  
So the plan was to hit her for the short timespan she was visible because this meta seemed to know every hide and way to escape from the Flash.  
But for that, they needed a device that was a magnet for thunderbolts and directed it in one big bolt of lightning in a certain direction.  
Of course Ramon wanted it to look and be called like Thor‘s hammer.  
Eventually, both got to work, Harry did calculations over calculations and simulations on the computer and they talked about what the best way to build it would be.  
When they had done that, a few hours had already passed, but they worked faster than ever before.  
Maybe because they hadn‘t argued or thrown markers at each others head this time.  
After a few burns from Ramon‘s old soldering iron and a few cables melting they finished a prototype.  
It did not look like a hamer, but like a gun, because Harry had been able to convince Cisco that this design would be the most practical.  
The gun would need to be tested, but the weather had calmed down with no thunderstorm in sight.  
Wrapped in red lightning, Barry came speeding into the lab, his suit burned and smoking like he had been set on fire.  
"What did you do to my suit?", Ramon cried out and ran up to the speedster.  
"You can thank Miss Thunder.", Barry drily replied and asked if Cisco could fix it.  
"Of course I can fix it, but oh my, I will end her."

He was scared.  
Despite everything he was scared shitless.  
A familiar bell jingled as he entered the Big Belly Burger.  
The one worker, a blonde woman in her early twenties, already knew him, as he always came here.  
She had also memorized his order.  
Harry couldn‘t decide if that meant he ate here too often or if the girl was just good at memorizing such things.  
With a wide smile she greeted him, made sure he didn‘t want to order something different for once and went back to give somebody his order.  
He knew that she had a nickname for him.  
Once he had heard her talk to her colleague about him, calling him Grumpy Cat.  
When he had his food and bit into his burger, he was still scared shitless.  
Most of the team already knew about Alan, that was not his greatest concern.  
He worried about Alan.  
How would he react, being told everything he knew about his partner‘s life was a lie?  
And it didn‘t matter if that was because Harry hadn‘t been able to tell him because of the team.  
It didn‘t even matter that some of the lies were to protect Alan himself.  
It didn‘t matter because they were still lies.  
And it always hurt when the truth was revealed.  
Maybe, despite an explanation, he wouldn‘t love him anymore, for his lies.  
Maybe because Harry did actually blow up a particle accelerator after all, maybe because he had done so many things he wasn‘t proud of that Alan would find out eventually.  
"Is the food alright?", the girl asked him, her ponytail swinging back and forth as she moved.  
"Yes, thank you.", he said.  
With a weird face she returned to her place behind the counter.  
"He said thanks, I think something‘s wrong.", she whispered to her coworker and he overheard and thought that they should try harder to be out of earshot.  
He didn‘t care what people said about him orcalled him as long as they did it behind his back and made sure he didn‘t notice it.  
A short glance to his side told him that the girl still looked at him worriedly.  
Why?  
After all, he was just some random customer and it did not matter that he had been a regular for a few years now.  
Harry wolfed his burger and fries down, not wanting to spent another minute here.  
Thank God that you paid before getting the food, because Harry could just grab his unfinished soda and leave.  
The streets of Central City were filled with cars and people, some pushed through crowds in their hurry to be somewhere else.  
Wells kept his head down so that his cap would throw a shadow across his face and, every now and then, took a sip from his drink while making his way through the busy downtown of the metropole.  
He turned into an alley, knowing it was a shortcut on his way back to Alan‘s flat.  
In addition, using a way nobody else used he minimized the likeliness of him being recognized.  
Alan should be back at the apartment again because the work he had had to do wasn‘t supposed to take up more than a few hours.  
If Parker wasn‘t back yet, Harry would need to wait, unfortunately.  
He had no keys to the flat since they did not live together (and Harrison had declined Alan‘s offer to give him a key with the claim that he‘d feel inclined to wait every day for Alan to come home from work).  
Of course, Parker had laughed and said he didn‘t have anything against some kisses after a full day of work, but didn‘t bring it up again.  
Wells himself didn‘t know why he had refused to have keys to Alan‘s apartment, if he did he could surprise his partner with dinner occassionally (which meant Big Belly Burger because Harry just couldn‘t cook anything, but, the thought is it that counts, right?).  
He threw the empty plastic cup into a public trashcan as he passed it.  
The trashcan had been empty, from what he could tell by the sounds the cup made when it bounced against the walls of the metall container a few times.  
After that, the rest of the way was uneventful, if you don‘t count the random cat that had started hissing at him when he had walked too close to it.

When he finally arrived at Alan‘s apartment he pressed the button for the doorbell and waited a few long seconds until he knocked on the door, unpatient.  
An annoyed "I‘m on the way!" could be heard from the other side just before the door finally opened.  
"Hey Schatz.", Alan smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss before letting him in.  
Alan being bilingual sometimes confused Harry, but at least he knew what Schatz meant.  
When Parker had called him that for the first time he had told Harry that it was the common German nickname for your partner and meant ‘treasure‘.  
He had tried, but he couldn‘t pronounce it and so he didn‘t have a cute nickname for Alan.  
Alan did not care.  
Alan loved him anyway.  
No matter what.  
Harry still thought he didn‘t deserve it.

When they settled into the couch again, just like a few hours earlier, Alan caught him off guard with a question.  
"Harrison, why do you have a fake ID?", he asked.  
In panic Harry‘s hand searched for the wallet in his jacket, but it wasn‘t there.  
He had left it at Alan‘s.  
A wonder that he had been able to pay for his Big Belly Burger with the few bucks of loose cash in his pockets.  
But, that didn‘t matter now.  
"What are you saying, fake? It‘s my real ID!", he said.  
"I know it‘s fake because I‘ve spent my time in college making and selling fake IDs. But also because it states your name is Richard Rider.", Alan answered.  
"What‘s wrong with the name?", Harry asked jokingly.  
"Oh honey, whoever made this for you literally called you Dick Rider.", Parker said and tried to hide his laugh with a coughing fit.  
Under his breath, Harry exclaimed "I‘m gonna kill Ramon.".  
How the hell didn‘t he realise this before?  
His ears got red in shame, despite it not being his fault.  
Of course Ramon would give anyone inappropriate names on their fake ID, what else would he do?  
"Did you really sell fake IDs in college?", Harry asked, after collecting himself.  
"I needed money to pay for school and it helped me whenever I had no job.", Alan said, and continued, "So why do you have the fake ID now?"  
"Because I can‘t even show my face in public and I have the fake just in case so I won‘t get any problems.", Harry thinned out the truth.  
"Well, I‘ll make you a better one and call you Mike Hawk."  
"Don‘t you dare!", he said and they both started laughing.  
For a moment, all of Harrison‘s worries disappeared and he just felt joy.  
He was happy with Alan and Alan got him to be happy with himself, too.  
And he was so in love.  
The feeling filled his chest with a warmth he had forgotten he knew before he had met Alan.  
Sometimes, so often, when he felt like he didn‘t deserve to feel this warmth, he felt guilty about smiling and laughing, being happy.  
But, that got less frequent.  
Maybe, after all, the multiverse still wanted to give him a cheesy happy ending that he so much longed for.  
"Harrison… a while ago, when you were hurt, Detective West told me about the cases you all are working on. There are many things I couldn‘t understand. I trust you, Harry, but I‘m worried about you. Can you tell me about it, someday?"  
"I will tell you all about it, Alan, I promise.", he said.  
"You promise?"  
"Yes, I promise.", Harry repeated.  
A kiss was shared, and so was their trust in each other.  
And Harrison Wells knew he needed to go through with his plan.  
"You do know that you are awful at keeping promises, right?", Alan asked, trying to annoy him.  
"This time I mean it.", he answered.

If he didn‘t tell Alan, he would be a douche and Alan would eventually lose his trust in him and leave him.  
If he did, Alan could leave him for telling him a bunch of lies, and it would just be the same end result.  
But, as Harry had calculated, there was a chance of five percent that Alan could take all of this info and not leave him, given that Alan was twice as likely to forgive something than the most forgiving person on the planet.  
And he had thought about this too often today already.  
Going unnoticed by Alan, a meta-human alert lit up Harrison‘s phone screen, followed by an immediate text from Ramon saying he didn‘t need to come to S.T.A.R. if he was otherwise occupied.  
Harry didn‘t miss the connotation.  
Still, this worked out perfectly for his plan.  
If he timed it good enough, they could catch Barry in his suit.  
After exactly five minutes in which Alan was trying to catch a fly with his bare hands, Wells got up.  
"Alan, care to go on a walk with me? I‘ll tell you everything when we get to the place.", he said, grabbing his jacket.  
Parker put on his coat, he looked serious and kindof surprised by Harry‘s apperantly sudden decision.  
"Will you tell me the name of the place?"  
"You‘ll see when we get there.", Harry said and put on his cap.  
The walk to S.T.A.R. Labs was silent and Harrison guided them through the city fast, taking a shortcut when he looked into a car mirror and saw the reflection of scarlett lightning in the distance.  
Alan looked somewhat concerned.  
"I know this place.", the architect joked to relieve the tension when they approached the building.  
Through a backdoor they got in without setting anything off.  
Harry knew the weak spots of the security system, but had never made the effort to fix them, since it came in handy if he wanted to enter or leave the building without the team noticing and annoying him with work.  
It was pretty quiet at first, only the heating system humming in the walls.  
Then, voices could be heard, an erratic conversation the team was having in the cortex.  
As they got closer, the voices got more distinguishable and a familiar smell of burning fabric was in the air.  
Together, they entered the room of the rooms at the perfect time.  
The scene that unfolded in front of them was golden.  
A misshevelled Barry Allen with a half-burned suit, no mask and also slightly burned hair, a Cisco Ramon yelling at him for destroying the only back-up suit he had in store and Snow and Iris standing by the side, just looking on.  
"Hi.", Harry simply said.  
Barry‘s attention was immediately on him, who seemed to be panicking since there was Alan, who had now seen who the Flash really was.  
"Cisco and Caitlin know already, but, Barry, Iris, this is my partner, Alan."  
"Why did you tell him my name?", the speedster shrieked, not really getting the rest of what Harry had said.  
Harrison Wells simply put on a sassy smile and pushed Alan past Barry, into the workshop.  
"Now you know who I‘m really working with. Definitely not the CCPD.", Harry started explaining.  
"Yeah, that‘s in no way the police.", Parker laughed, "I never would have thought… the Flash!"  
"There is a lot more I need to tell you. There are some things, actually a lot of things I lied about regarding me."  
And he told Alan everything. He first explained the multiverse to him (which needed some time for Alan to comprehend), then about who he truly was but also explained the whole ordeal with Thawne and how he was not him and the fact that Jesse didn‘t actually live in Starling City but on Earth Two, where they both came from.  
There was just a lot to tell him.  
The more Harry told Parker, the better he felt, he felt how this incredible burden was lifted off him with every word and he knew, after this he wouldn‘t have to keep anything secret from Alan anymore.  
He could tell the blond man was a bit overwhelmed, but when Harry asked, he just said he‘d do his best to understand.  
After Harry finished his tale, Alan hugged him.  
"I‘m proud of you.", he said.  
Harry was taken aback.  
"Why are you proud of me?", Harrison asked.  
"You promised. And for the first time I‘ve seen you keep a promise."

Not all questions had been answered that day, there was just far too much you needed to know to understand Team Flash, the multiverse, everything.  
But the five percent had come true, Alan did not leave him.  
Everything would be okay.  
Better yet, it would be fantastic.  
Even if Alan wasn‘t so sure about the existence of other universes yet, he seemed excited to visit Earth Two one day in the near future.  
They went home, to Alan‘s and talked about everything again.  
"Why did you even buy the cousins thing? Especially when this Earth‘s Wells had a wife called Tess too?"  
"I must‘ve forgotten the name of his wife. And I‘m pretty damn easy to be convinced anything.", Parker answered.  
"Any chance you‘ll believe in the multiverse then?", Harry asked.  
"Well, I have to, since you‘re not from this Earth."

For the first time in a while, Harry slept peacefully, his mind freed of guilt and worry.  
He could just let himself drift off to sleep and into sweet dreams of getting revenge on Ramon for that ID.


End file.
